On this episode of Sex Advice for Seniors, I had the pleasure of talking with Juliette LaMontagne, the creator of the Substack newsletter Touch Me There: Reclaiming Desire, Power, and Purpose in Midlife. Juliette shared her inspiring journey of rediscovering intimacy and connection in her long-term marriage after years of estrangement, using a transformative framework called the Wheel of Consent.
If you’ve ever felt stuck in your relationship or disconnected from your own pleasure, Juliette’s story is proof that it’s never too late to reignite desire. For me, it was a pleasure to talk to someone who had lived experience of being in a sexless marriage rather than the person counselling others on how to reignite intimacy in their relationship.
Juliette explained that the Wheel of Consent, developed by Dr. Betty Martin, is a tool for exploring intimacy through four dynamics: serving, accepting, taking, and allowing. She and her husband, after years of struggle and separation, used this framework to rebuild trust and connection.
They started with small, structured exercises, like simply placing hands on her sock-covered feet, and gradually worked through deeper layers of intimacy, including exploring desires they hadn’t known how to express before. As Juliette described, it’s not about grand gestures but about learning to communicate touch as a gift and rediscovering each other in new ways.
We also talked about how important it is to start with yourself. Juliette shared her personal journey of healing, which began with somatic sex work and even psychedelic-assisted therapy to reconnect with her own body and desires. She emphasized the importance of curiosity, whether it's through exploring frameworks like the Wheel of Consent or diving into shadow work and archetypes to uncover hidden longings. For her, this journey wasn’t just about saving her marriage but about rediscovering her own vitality and purpose.
Juliette’s story is inspiring and proof that desire can be maintained in long-term relationships if you’re both committed to working on it!
And if you’re curious about the Wheel of Consent or Juliette’s work, don’t miss her Substack, Touch Me There, for more wisdom and inspiration.
00:00 Introduction to Intergenerational Dialogue
01:50 The Wheel of Consent: A Transformative Tool
07:17 Personal Journeys: Healing Through Crisis
11:06 Exploring Touch: The Dynamics of Consent
17:05 The Evolution of Intimacy: A Three-Year Journey
22:13 Understanding Desire: Following the Ache
27:23 Finding the Right Framework for Connection
What’s this about?
Hi, I’m Suzanne, author of the bestseller ‘The Butcher, the Baker, the Candlestick Maker: An Erotic Memoir,’ pleasure seeker and curious about ways to improve our intimate relationships as we age.
Each week, I delve into a different aspects of sex, dating and relationships with an expert which I bring to you via the Sex Advice for Seniors podcast.
Once a week, I write or invite a guest to write a more personal story, which could be in the form of an erotic experience, a sex toy review or perhaps a new perspective, typically behind a paywall.
Alongside this Substack, I advocate for the right to sexual pleasure in later life through speaking engagements, attending conferences and other events, which your subscription helps to pay me to attend.
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