On this episode of Sex Advice for Seniors, I had the pleasure of chatting with Dr. Joli Hamilton, a jealousy expert who’s spent twelve years unraveling the messy, powerful, and often uncomfortable emotion of jealousy, especially in relationships. If you want to know everything there is to know about jealousy, Joli is your woman!
We dove into why jealousy can feel so unbearable, how it’s hardwired into us, and why the idea of "just getting over it" is total nonsense. Spoiler alert: jealousy isn’t a bad thing -it’s actually a tool for deeper self-awareness and connection.
Joli shared her own journey, which started when she opened up her relationship years ago and found herself (and her partners!) swirling in jealousy without a clue how to handle it. Instead of running away, she leaned in, studied the emotion for over a decade, and discovered that jealousy has a purpose: it’s there to keep us connected to those we value. But the trick is learning how to slow down, notice what’s happening in the body, and reframe the stories we tell ourselves about jealousy.
We also explored how jealousy and envy often show up together, especially in open or polyamorous relationships. Joli explained how comparing yourself to others, whether it’s someone who’s funnier, younger, or more sexually adventurous, can trigger envy and self-doubt. The key? Stop feeling ashamed of these emotions, slow down, and address them head-on. It’s all about communication, self-awareness, and getting honest about your needs and boundaries.
If you’re curious about opening up your relationship or just want to understand jealousy better, Joli offered some great advice: start the conversation with your partner before you’re in the thick of it. Don’t wait for jealousy to blindside you! Her insights were a brilliant reminder that relationships, whether monogamous or not, are all about navigating complex emotions with care and curiosity.
Thanks, Joli, for such a fascinating and eye-opening chat!
What’s this about?
Hi, I’m Suzanne, author of the bestseller ‘The Butcher, the Baker, the Candlestick Maker: An Erotic Memoir,’ pleasure seeker and curious about ways to improve our intimate relationships as we age.
Each week, I delve into a different aspects of sex, dating and relationships with an expert which I bring to you via the Sex Advice for Seniors podcast.
Once a week, I write or invite a guest to write a more personal story, which could be in the form of an erotic experience, a sex toy review or perhaps a new perspective, typically behind a paywall.
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