Aug 16 • 32M

Episode 9: Fantasies and Alternative Lifestyles

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Sharing our experience of sex post 60. Suzanne Noble and Peter Marriott discuss their own experiences with sex and - as older people themselves - bring years of experience to reflect on it in a witty, open and enthusiastic way. The series is dedicated to helping older people find their way to a healthy and enjoyable sex life. Whether you are just starting out with a new partner or carrying on with an old one, we hope there will be something new here for you.
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This episode is about our fantasies, dreams and desires and the ways in which they can play an important role in our sex lives, especially for those who have got into a bit of a rut over time. Everybody has fantasies and those fantasies take many various forms in the human psyche. Whatever they are, they represent a deep access to our desires. There are many such fantasies which probably should stay unexpressed but a far greater number is repressed because of social norms or family background or childhood experience or cultural and religious tradition. Recognising and confronting them as well as welcoming them into one's sexual being requires a great deal of courage, both because we may find them uncomfortable ourselves or – more likely – we are worried about the impact they may have on those around us.

But to have a thriving and successful sex life it is necessary to dig these fantasies out and address the question of what can be built into a relationship. You may well be surprised to find that the secret desires and fantasies you have meet with approval rather than rejection and they may well be the things that keep you on track in your relationship. Obviously, the fear of the rejection of your desires may stop you from expressing them, but, to be Freudian in the extreme for a moment, this repression will almost always lead to resentment that can, in turn, undermine an otherwise healthy relationship.

We also discuss in general terms the alternative lifestyles that people have found for themselves to express these desires. Communication technology married with greater sexual openness has led to an explosion of opportunities to find these alternative lifestyles and again, while the prospect of actually engaging in them can fill one with dread, even the act of talking about them with a partner can be of great benefit to our relationships. Non-confrontational communication and a gentle hand is the key here but if you don't ask, you don't get!

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