One of the consequences of ageing is that it takes longer to orgasm. And that can present challenges in the bedroom with a partner. Penetrative sex may never have gotten you there, or maybe it did but now you’re finding that no amount of bumping and grinding is going to get you off.
That’s where toys come in handy and can, in many cases, can be essential. Because stronger vibrations can be exactly what you need when the smaller nerves in our clitoris are no longer doing the trick and the larger nerves take over. Those larger nerves love vibration.
Perhaps you’ve never tried a sex toy, or you’ve been using them for self-pleasuring and want to use them with a partner. How can you ensure that your partner is going to welcome this additional help and not make him feel like he’s being replaced? And what if your partner’s “no” had nothing to do with the sex toy?
I have boxes of the things and no embarrassment about any of it, and I still get this wrong. So I put the question I hear most from women my age to my guest Dr Jess O’Reilly, a sexologist with a PhD in human sexuality: what do you say to a woman who wants to bring sex toys in the bedroom and how can they support our changing bodies and arousal after 50?
What We Cover:
Why novelty matters in long-term relationships.
Why starting small can make introducing toys less intimidating.
How toys can reduce performance pressure for both partners.
The difference between vibration, air-pulse, warming, cooling, and other sensations.
Why communication and self-pleasure can lead to better partnered sex.
How the Yes/No/Maybe checklist can make conversations about sex easier.
Follow Dr Jess O’Reilly Here:
Chapters
00:00 – Sponsor spotlight: OhMiBod https://www.ohmibod.com/
00:15 – Dr Jess O’Reilly breaks down modern pleasure, intimate toys, and midlife relationship dynamics.
01:56 – Normalising physical changes after 40 and why arousal naturally takes longer.
02:47 – How introducing novelty and curiosity helps long-term partners transition from roommates back to lovers.
04:50 – Overcoming partner intimidation and shifting away from penis-centric bedroom aids.
06:16 – Taking off the performance pressure and using intimate devices to ground yourself in pure pleasure.
07:26 – Exploring the We-Vibe Temp pebble design, temperature play, and full-body erogenous stimulation.
08:52 – Using app-controlled toys to navigate erectile challenges and take performance anxiety off the table.
10:34 – Choosing the right device when navigating mobility needs, grip limitations, and external sensations.
11:33 – Why simple, single-button toys and intuitive squeeze remotes beat overcomplicated technology.
13:26 – The best low-intimidation starter options for couples looking to enhance traditional intercourse.
14:48 – How targeted air-pulsation technology creates deep internal stimulation without direct contact.
16:11 – Understanding internal clitoral anatomy, erectile tissue, and the science of mature female arousal.
18:45 – Moving past spontaneous desire and recognising responsive arousal in long-term relationships.
20:14 – Rebuilding self-trust and learning to let your physical body respond to touch.
21:34 – Unpacking why sexual satisfaction has to come first before stepping outside your comfort zone.
23:33 – Dismantling the social shame around female masturbation and talking about desires before intimacy.
24:18 – The silent driver behind the rise of silver divorce and why avoiding tough conversations fuels resentment.
26:31 – Why discussing intimacy early while dating filters out incompatible dynamics immediately.
27:45 – Embracing messy, imperfect conversations to dissolve bedroom shame and build emotional longevity.
29:14 – The easy, low-pressure script for bringing up intimate toys with a hesitant partner.
31:48 – The interactive Yes/No/Maybe checklist app to help couples explore fantasies effortlessly.
33:04 – A sneak peek at the new Womanizer Enhance and closing out with Dr Jess O’Reilly.
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