What if the problem is not that you have stopped wanting sex, but that nobody told your partner what changed?
I need a toy about 80% of the time to get there. I have also been with a man who told me toys were not coming into his bedroom, and that put more strain on the relationship than the toy ever could have. He thought he was being replaced.
“Tools don’t compete. They assist.”
That is Dr. Shamyra Howard, an award-winning sexologist and licensed therapist who spends her working week with couples stuck in exactly that standoff. She founded On the Green Couch.
If you have been quietly deciding the good sex is behind you, this conversation will change what you think you are dealing with.
Here’s what we cover:
Why your partner hears something completely different from what you said
How to raise the subject without either of you feeling ambushed
What happens to sensation after 50, and why more arousal is the answer rather than less
Why lube carries even more shame than toys do, and what that shame is built on
What sex becomes once performance stops being the point
Follow Dr. Shamyra Howard Here:
Chapters
00:00– Sponsor spotlight: https://www.ohmibod.com/
00:28 – Breaking the silence on why midlife intimacy is due for a serious upgrade.
02:06 – Looking at the outdated societal scripts and the hidden pleasure gap affecting mature women.
04:11 – Why physical body changes after 50 make intimate aids essential tools rather than afterthoughts.
05:10 – Why male partners often feel replaced by bedroom aids and the crucial mindset shift that changes everything.
07:54 – How to smoothly invite a hesitant partner to explore intimate devices together without making it awkward.
11:02 – The surprising clinical research showing how certain stimulation devices can actively reduce menopause symptoms.
12:18 – Choosing the right sensation when navigating internal versus external stimulation options.
13:53 – How targeted clitoral air technology is transforming arousal and natural blood flow in post-menopausal bodies.
15:07 – Sponsor spotlight: GITM Playbook http://gitmplaybook.com/SUZANNE20
15:53 – A compelling study on how regular orgasms can meaningfully protect and boost your mental health.
17:17 – Creative ways to use a multi-use massage wand across entire full-body erogenous zones with a partner.
19:37 – Why investing in high-grade intimate wellness tools is just as essential as your regular self-care routine.
20:12 – The non-negotiable rule about pairing the right body-safe lubricants with medical-grade silicone.
22:04 – Overcoming the persistent stigma around dryness and why lubrication is basic physiology, not a personal failure.
24:04 – Combining topical solutions with daily bedroom habits to turn intimate comfort into a completely seamless experience.
25:50 – Letting go of performance anxiety and completely redefining what pleasure feels like after 50.
26:48 – The single most damaging myth about ageing women’s sexuality that needs to be completely dismantled.
27:31 – Wrapping up with community resources and practical ways to keep prioritising your intimate life.
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