“It feels like sandpaper.”
That’s how one woman described sex to her therapist this week. She isn’t broken. She’d just never been told about the fixes that already exist.
Dr Jenn Kennedy is a clinical sexologist, licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of The Pleasure Project in Santa Barbara. Her clients in their 50s, 60s and beyond arrive embarrassed. They leave with a plan.
Her most freeing insight: the low-desire partner usually doesn’t dislike sex. She dislikes the sex she’s having. Fix that, and everything changes.
Here’s what we cover:
Why an erection that half-works doesn’t mean pleasure is over
The generational reason women over 50 feel ashamed of lube
What vaginal estrogen clears up in weeks, and why so few women are told
How pressure turns desire into obligation, and what works instead
The two words that reignite decades-long relationships
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Chapters:
00:00 Why couples feel embarrassed to talk about sex problems
00:28 The missing word in long-term intimacy: curiosity
03:41 The most common issues couples bring to sex therapy
05:10 When people see a doctor first vs a sex therapist first
06:44 What ageing does to sex, erections, and desire
08:32 How to work with what still feels good
09:17 Why shame shuts down sexual connection
11:02 Why men struggle to move beyond penetrative sex
12:35 Practical tips for unreliable erections
13:49 Sensitivity, softness, and new ways to think about pleasure
16:01 Vaginal dryness, pain, and vaginal atrophy
17:32 Lube, suppositories, and vaginal estrogen
20:25 Why women over 50 still feel shame about needing lube
21:09 The biggest mistake couples make with mismatched desire
23:30 Why relational connection matters more than mechanics
26:08 How curiosity helps long-term couples rediscover intimacy
27:59 The power of asking questions and listening
31:52 Dr. Jenn Kennedy’s Pleasure Project course
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