In this episode, we talk very frankly about desire, fantasies and masturbation. Above all we discuss the differences between men and women and how to navigate the dangerous waters that separate us. We discuss our early experiences around ‘solo sex,’ finding our parent’s Joy of Sex books and, later in life, discovering pornography and how that impacted our relationships with ourselves and our lovers. The strapline or Leitmotif that emerges from this discussion is once again the importance of communication between partners. Being able to talk about masturbatory experiences as well as observing each other as we masturbate can play an important role in keeping interest alive.

The reason that we tend to come back to mutual openness and communication so often is that for many older people who have perhaps been together for many years, communication of desire is one of the things that gets lost in the difficulties of just getting through the practicalities of every day life. In particular, the years of childcare, menopause and male midlife crisis mean it is very easy to lose sight of your own desires and to search for their fulfilment in places which can be dangerous for any relationship. Different for men and women, our experiences of how we discover what makes us aroused help to inform our relationships with future partners and engaging with each other in both talking about it as well as acting out our fantasies help to keep those relationships fresh.

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