A Different Kind of Toy

Getting familiar with The Snail 'Curve'

I first started reviewing sex toys in my forties, blogging about my sex life under the pseudonym Suzanne Portnoy. I can still remember the thrill of receiving my very first freebie, a Lelo Gigi, courtesy of Sam Evans, who runs Jo Divine and whom I interviewed here and here. I couldn’t believe anyone would actually gift me something so desirable. I still have it, and it still works like a dream. Honestly, it’s like the cockroach of vibrators: nothing can kill it. (It did go on strike for a couple of years, but then miraculously came back to life, and it’s been buzzing happily ever since.)

There’s a saying among sex toy reviewers: if you’ve tried one, you’ve tried them all. That’s not entirely true, but as I learned from Suki Dunham at OhMiBod, most toys use the same motors. Speeds 1 to 3 are your bread and butter: reliable, strong vibrations. Speeds 4 to 10? That’s where the pulsations get a little experimental and, to my mind, superfluous. I prefer to stick with the steady beat, but we’re all different - if you’re the kind of person that enjoys having your own personal DJ for your intimate area, then most of the new breed of vibes have you covered.

For the most part, what sets toys apart is their casing. But clit suckers? Oh, they’re a different beast entirely. The vibrations are focused in a small chamber that encases the clitoris, and the intensity is next-level compared to the broad-spectrum vibes of your average bullet or rabbit. It’s like switching from a spotlight to a laser beam - pure, focused pleasure.

Now, I have boxes of toys stacked next to my bed, most of which have only seen daylight a handful of times. I’m not trying to turn my flat into a sex toy museum, so I’ve become much pickier about what I review these days. Which brings me to The Snail.