From Emotional Chaos to Clarity: How I Stopped Mistaking Anxiety for Attraction

One of the words that came up recently in my conversation with Erika Shershun, MA, LMFT was this idea of dysregulation in the context of a traumatised person, and how this trauma is manifested in one’s body and mind. I’ve heard this word in previous interviews with psychotherapists and nodded along, not fully understanding what it meant.

The Cleveland Clinic defines being dysregulated as “a state where bodily, emotional, or nervous system processes are not controlled or managed effectively, resulting in intense, disproportionate reactions.” Mostly, it appears to be related to having undergone some kind of trauma, which results in perhaps being highly anxious, angry, depressed, or any other behaviour that would be considered ‘undesirable.’ When guys tell me about their crazy ex, I suspect they’re not crazy, but perhaps dysregulated. I can’t speak for others but I have known enough men that I have allowed to create feelings inside of me that did not feel good and, yes, completely dysregulated!

In a relationship, dysregulation can manifest as ‘emotional chaos.’ Perhaps some of these behaviours look familiar to you.