What my Readers/Listeners have Taught Me

Learning to ignore the haters and the male/female divide

It’s perhaps not all that surprising that, given the title "Sex Advice for Seniors," most of my readers and listeners are hesitant to publicly share their challenges around sex and dating in later life. In the many interviews I have been asked to do since I started, I am often asked, “What’s the most common question your followers ask?” And the answer is, there isn’t one, not in public anyway. However, in private, the story changes. Over the past two years (and a bit), I’ve heard from hundreds of individuals on various social channels, mainly Facebook and TikTok, where I have a large global audience.

‘Young African Man (28) Seek Old Woman”

Putting aside the numerous young men in Africa seeking older women to care for them, marry them, most of the questions I receive come from older men. Still, the vast proportion of men who write to me (100 to 1) are young guys in Ghana, Nigeria, Sierra Leone or elsewhere in Africa.

I have thought perhaps there’s a TV documentary in meeting some of them to figure out what’s going on, but I suspect I know and that I’m one of many that they write to every day seeking “an old woman outside my country”. My friends say they are bots, but I tend to believe they are simply bored young men looking for a meal ticket.

There are a lot of Lonely, Older Guys

I generally dislike the term "loneliness epidemic" to describe the lives of many older people, but it’s clear that there are a lot of lonely men out there. Some are widowed and tell me they haven’t had sex with a woman for years, worried they wouldn’t be able to "perform" to their own and their partner’s satisfaction. Others struggle to find a date who isn’t trying to scam them. One man even asked if it was customary for women on dating sites to request gift cards! Many want to know how they can improve their skills as lovers, and I point them to resources, such as my recommended reading list.

Medical Misogyny is Rife

I’ve also spoken to several women who have experienced "medical misogyny," a term I picked up from Sam Evans, owner of the sex toy shop Jo Divine. This phrase describes the many women who have been gaslit, ignored, or given poor information by doctors. Most of these women want to know how to prevent the pain that often accompanies penetrative sex, having not been informed about options like lube or vaginal estrogen.

Dealing with the Haters

Speaking of misogyny, I’ve had to delete or block a significant number of male followers who think it’s acceptable to call me an "old granny" (thankfully, TikTok allows me to block anyone who uses that term, which eliminates quite a few haters). Others suggest there’s no point in dating an older woman because they assume none of us want sex and claim we have "dried-up fannies." This is the kind of nonsense that those of us writing about sex and intimacy in later life have to contend with, and I’m very familiar with the block button—I use it daily.

Older Women are Fed up with Online Dating

Older women tell me they’ve given up on online dating because finding an older man who isn’t looking for a nurse or a purse is nearly impossible. Occasionally, I hear about successful pairings from dating sites, so it’s clear they do happen. It seems that relationships between older women and younger men are increasingly common, as many of the happy women I hear from fit that description. (Perhaps that’s why I receive so many requests from those who are my children’s age!).

Nobody Wants to Hire me as a Dating Coach ;)

Regarding practical suggestions, despite my offer as a dating coach with over two decades of experience, there isn’t much interest in that service; everyone seems to want free advice. I understand—there’s a wealth of good free advice available. However, I continue to hear from women that the men they meet often lack curiosity about them. Many recount experiences where a date feels like an opportunity for an hour-long monologue rather than a genuine conversation.

Why Many First Dates aren’t Leading to Second Ones

While many older women and men are seeking partners, there’s a clear divide in dating approaches. I’d like to think that for some men, these one-sided conversations stem from first-date nerves. However, I’ve heard repeatedly from women that this behavior has become the norm rather than the exception. Many women have even expressed a preference for being single, as it often feels easier and happier than the exhausting cycle of endlessly swiping right—or, more often, left. Very few seem able to meet a partner in real life.

Happy Endings

Still, it’s not all doom and gloom. I hear from plenty of couples who are happily married or together, enjoying great, pleasurable sex, which is reassuring! The funny comments and support I’ve received over the years from those who appreciate my advice make it worthwhile to continue my mission of helping older people achieve a happier, healthier sex life.

If you have a question, please feel free to write to me at suzannenoblemail@gmail.com, and I’ll do my best to respond. I’m grateful for all the feedback from my readers and listeners over the years. Keep listening and reading. :)

Suzanne

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I’m now the UK distributor for FirmTech, which manufactures the TechRing and the MaxPR ring designed to support men’s sexual health and wellness. Having just returned from the States with stock, I can now ship these products directly to UK customers, significantly reducing shipping costs compared to when they were sent from the US.

My partner now loves the MaxPR ring, and I’ve noticed how it helps him stay firmer for longer. If you’re an older man, as FirmTech founder Elliot Justin says, ‘You should always put a ring on it.’ Please feel free to ask me any questions you may have about these innovative products.