The many ways to have an Orgasm

Pleasure as a competitive sport

Over the years I’ve noticed that the female orgasm has become yet another source of self-doubt, much like our weight or wrinkles, with some women boasting about experiencing five different types, while many of us (I include myself) sometimes struggle to have one.

In men, clearly, this isn’t as much of a competitive arena, because it’s pretty obvious when a guy comes - although those who have had radical prostatectomies may experience ‘dry orgasms, with no seminal fluid, which may not be as apparent as those that feature semen.

In women, on the other hand, I’ve been having discussions, over several years, arguing over the veracity of the vaginal orgasm, whether a cervical orgasm is a ‘thing’ and, aside from those that stem from clitoral stimulation, whether the others actually count as an orgasm or intense pleasure. My Facebook feed on the Sex Advice for Seniors page, in particular, is full of comments from other women, who have had three, four or more different types and their overall tone is that my one is, well, a bit pathetic. Poor me.

Meanwhile, the stats are that there’s a significant percentage of women, estimated at 10-15% of women have never experienced an orgasm. and that up to 50% of women report difficulty reaching orgasm during partnered sex. I know women that fall into both camps and I suspect there are many, many more, too ashamed to admit that they’ve been faking it or, through their upbringing were taught to feel that masturbation was sinful and have not had a partner thoughtful and experienced enough to help her overcome whatever shame, insecurity or vulnerability she may be feeling that enables her to relax and be able to come.

I’m not a sexologist, or a healthcare professional, but I know that as I’ve gotten older, my ability to orgasm has definitely changed. And while I try not to compare myself to other women, it’s hard not to feel inadequate when I hear talk of multiple orgasms, tantric orgasms, or other experiences that sound completely foreign to me. That in the orgasm Olympics, I’m still in the amateur league. And I’m not a woman that is used to feeling inadequate … or amateur.

But here’s the thing: there’s one surprising truth about orgasms I’ve learned - something that shifted my entire perspective and might just shift yours too.