The Correlation between Sleep & Low Libido

It's more complicated than you think

One of the many benefits of being a 64-year-old woman who still wants to enjoy sex, but sometimes finds that my body or mind makes that desire more challenging, is the opportunity to consult with specialists who can help me understand and navigate my libido. In turn, I get to share that knowledge with you so it’s a win-win for everyone.

Several weeks ago, during my Substack Live with

Lauren Streicher MD

, I gained so many valuable insights that I now feel compelled to dive into her relatively new podcast, Come Again, to uncover even more. Dr. Streicher is a goldmine of information and myth-busting when it comes to understanding how menopause affects a woman’s libido. What I learned is that there’s no one-size-fits-all solution for women looking to boost their desire.

Low libido, as it turns out, can be influenced by a variety of factors - including something as simple as how much or how little sleep we’re getting. I remember that during my fifties, when my libido began to decline, it coincided with sleepless nights, hot flashes, and constant exhaustion. Lying next to my partner, with sweat dripping down my back, sex was the last thing on my mind. More often than not, I felt embarrassed, unattractive, and desperate to lie down on freshly changed, cool sheets. If someone had told me about temperature-controlled sheets back then, I’d have been the first in line to buy them.

Sleep, or the lack of it, can, according to Dr. Streicher, wreak havoc on your libido. Feeling exhausted isn’t exactly a recipe for passion, especially when all you really want is a solid eight hours of rest. Combine that with fluctuating body temperatures, and it’s no wonder that intimacy sometimes feels out of reach.

Managing stress is another critical factor in maintaining a healthy sex life as we age. Financial worries, demanding jobs, and caregiving responsibilities can take a toll on our mood and desire for intimacy. That’s why it’s so important to prioritise self-care and create an environment that supports relaxation and sexual pleasure. For me, this means scheduling sex—usually on a Sunday—and looking forward to the opportunity to switch off my brain and relax in the arms of someone whose sole ambition is to do exactly the same. “THIS is my therapy,” he said recently and I couldn’t have agreed more. Switching off my brain and turning on my body is the best form of relaxation and self-care I know.

Another significant factor that impacts our libido is our confidence around our changing bodies. That spare tyre that seems to appear out of nowhere around our midsection can make us feel self-conscious about being seen naked. I remember looking down at my expanding waistline sometime in my mid-fifties and thinking, Where the hell did THAT come from, and how can I make it go away?

For me, a silky, loosely tied nightie became a game-changer. It covered up the bits I wasn’t thrilled about and restored my confidence to feel sexy in the bedroom. Sometimes, a flash of thigh or a glimpse of skin can be just as, if not more, enticing than a completely naked body. I discovered this while straddling my partner’s hips, realising that sensuality isn’t about perfection but about how you carry off a silky robe.

Recently, I started working with Higher Nature, a supplements company that produces a range called True Food, of which they say, “We use real foods not token foods blended with synthetics or yeast like many other brands. That means our ingredients are more biologically active, delivering their benefits faster than alternatives. You can feel assured that your supplements are working in harmony with your body.”

Before this collaboration, I knew almost nothing about the differences between various types of supplements, assuming that anything I picked up at Holland & Barrett would surely do what it promised on the label.

However, during a one-day conference where I was invited to give a talk, I learned there’s a significant difference in how synthetic vitamins and minerals are processed in the body compared to those derived from real plants. This revelation opened my eyes to the importance of choosing supplements that work in harmony with your body rather than ones that might simply pass through it with little benefit.

Higher Nature produce a wide variety of products, but I’ve become a convert for their Rekindle supplement and have also started to take their Ashwagandha & Rhodiola Complex, which reduces tiredness and fatigue. Here’s what I’ve noticed - I feel more relaxed, more focussed, less stressed and generally have more energy. When it comes to the intense physical exercise I do, I have definitely noticed that I have the ability to push through more challenging routines, when previously my brain was telling me ‘ENOUGH!’

Getting older doesn’t mean giving up on fun, passion, or feeling fabulous—it just means getting a little more creative about it! Whether it’s scheduling Sunday sex, rocking a silky robe, or popping a supplement that actually works, I’ve learned that this stage of life is less about slowing down and more about figuring out what keeps the spark alive. Sure, my body and libido might not always play ball, but with a little humour, a lot of curiosity, and the right tools, I’m proving that the best parts of life can still be ahead and a lot more fun than I expected!

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