Make Sex Worth Wanting: The Mindset Shift That Changes Everything

A guest post from sex educator and coach Ruth Ramsay

What a delight to recognise Suzanne’s name here on Substack, and find we are both still involved in the sexy world! Suzanne and I first crossed paths in the early Noughties, when we were both involved with the Erotic Awards (a charity event in support of the sexual rights of people with disabilities).

Now we have reconnected, Suzanne has kindly invited me to contribute a guest article. Suzanne writes frequently about slowing sex down, widening our scope of what it involves, and using toys and lube. All these things help us enjoy sex in senior years.

Let me add to this a mindset shift I’ve seen time and again be helpful for clients.

A typical female client in her 50s or 60s might say to me: “I never feel like sex. Now and then I say yes to my husband, just to stop feeling so guilty. Once we doing it… I do kind of enjoy it! Well, sometimes it hurts if I’m too dry; I don’t find the positions he likes do much for me; and often it’s over when I’m only just getting into it. But I enjoy cuddling afterwards and feeling the pressure is off for a while.”

Then she adds: “I wish I wanted it more often. What’s wrong with me?”.

To me, there’s nothing wrong with her. Something very logical is going on.