Be Selfish, Be Pleasured: Rethinking Toys in Mature Relationships

Let’s remove the shame around sex toys and admit that, for many of us, especially older women, using sex toys during partnered sex can be the difference between having an orgasm or not having an orgasm. And I’m not the only one saying that. Recently, I received a message from a woman in her 80s with a high sex drive who said that vibrators helped her climax, although not with the same intensity as when she was younger. (I told her that I’ve recently upped my kegel exercises to counteract this so I’ll let you know how it goes).

For men too, especially those for whom using the death grip has become the norm while masturbating, toys such as the BlowMotion or any of the male masturbators created by Hot Octopuss can also do the job when one’s hand may no longer be enough, or when you might like the help of a sexy assistant.

I haven’t been with a man in several years now who has said “NO” when it comes to bringing toys into the bedroom, and I suspect that if I came across a guy who forbade their use, I wouldn’t continue our relationship beyond the first date.

There’s a valid reason why using sex toys makes sense as an older person. What I’ve been told by several doctors with far more expertise than I have is that the smaller nerves in the clitoris disintegrate as a normal part of ageing, and the larger nerves, the ones that respond especially well to vibrations, take over. Where once your fingers were able to do the job, now it may require more than one’s hand to achieve an orgasm.