Unreliable Erections Aren’t Just About Sex: Why We Created the Stay Firm Program
I’ve been hanging onto this post for a while in draft, and now can finally hit publish as, after three months, I have completed co‑creating a five‑module course with sexologist Ken Schafer called the Stay Firm Program. Our goal is to help men overcome erectile dysfunction by understanding its root cause without relying on pharmaceuticals or surgical procedures.
A sufferer of ED himself and the author of a book on the subject, I first met Ken when he appeared as a guest on my podcast. A few months later, while visiting a friend in Western Massachusetts (about an hour from Ken’s home), we met in person. That visit sparked plans to combine Ken’s expertise with my interest in the topic and social media following to reach more men struggling with this condition.
Erectile dysfunction, or as I prefer to call it, “unreliable erections,” affects more than half of men over 50. You read that correctly. Fifty percent. It’s defined by difficulty achieving or maintaining an erection, yet it’s often a warning sign of broader health issues. Research shows a strong link between ED and cardiovascular disease, with men diagnosed with ED facing a higher risk of heart attack or stroke in the years that follow. A doctor of sexual function recently told me that 80% of all older men who present with ED will go onto to have a cardiovascular significant event roughly five years after being diagnosed with ED. The implication of overcoming ED before it reveals a chronic disease is enormous.
That connection feels deeply personal to me. I’ve had two partners, roughly 20 years apart, for whom ED was the first sign that something was seriously wrong. Like so many men, neither of them visited a healthcare professional until it was too late. One covered up his symptoms with Viagra, until that no longer worked. The other was far too ashamed to consider medication of this nature, so he struggled in silence. Sadly, in both cases, their erectile dysfunction was a sign of an underlying illness that proved fatal within months of diagnosis.
Unfortunately, shame and silence still surround this topic. Many men never seek the help they need, and some women, perhaps unknowingly, add pressure by focusing too much on performance. I was one of those women twenty plus years ago, thinking my partners inability to achieve an erection must mean he no longer desired me. In conducting research before launching the program, I spoke to several men who told me that their wives reaction to their ED was not one of sympathy but rather, “Well, I guess this means you no longer find me attractive.”
If only it were that simple. Erections, as I’ve learned through Ken and the urologists I’ve interviewed, are complex. While the process seems basic, with blood flowing into the penis and staying there, many things can interfere: restricted arteries, age‑related muscle issues, or even performance anxiety, where stress disrupts arousal and blood flow before it begins. Diabetes, poor sleep, hormone inbalance, watching too much porn can also contribute to ED.
Drugs like Viagra and Cialis can work, but they sometimes mask deeper problems if those aren’t properly investigated. Too often, busy doctors reach for the prescription pad instead of exploring root causes. Finding the right doctor, one willing to look beyond the blue pill, is one of the key topics we tackle in our programme. And when you do find a doctor, ensuring you’re asking the right questions.
Hormones deserve attention too. Testosterone levels vary widely. What’s normal for one man may not be for another, and libido is as individual as it is essential. Just as a woman who isn’t aroused is unlikely to want sex, arousal is critical for erections.
For anyone seeking a quick fix, I’m afraid there isn’t one. Improving erectile function usually requires a broader lifestyle change. Diets high in processed foods, excess alcohol, and too little exercise are major culprits. Cleaning up your diet, losing weight, and improving cardiovascular health can all make a real difference, not just in getting it up, but in keeping it up.
After months of development, Ken and I are proud of how thorough this programme is. We want it to empower men to feel more confident talking with their doctors, better understand their hormone levels, and take meaningful steps toward better health. We’ve also included recommended products that support erectile health and are curating a directory of trusted doctors who truly understand men’s sexual wellbeing as not all doctors are either able, willing, or have the time available to provide them with a full consultation.
For now, we’ve kept the price accessible at $49.99 to reach as many men as possible, which also includes access to a private group where we encourage men to ask any questions they may have. If you know someone struggling with ED and unsure where to turn, please share this link. It might just help them start the conversation and the change they need.
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