Men & their Unreliable Erections

Moving away from PIV sex

I like sleeping with men my own age. I know plenty of women my age who prefer much younger men, guys in their late twenties, early thirties, occasionally venturing into men in their forties. And I get it. Younger men typically have reliable erections and a quicker recovery period which, if you’re a woman who prefers penetrative sex, can be important.

I once had a boyfriend, now my best mate, who’s 16 years younger than me, making him 47 now, though he looks like he could be in his thirties (and, yes, he’s still hot). I remember when we met: I was 50, and he was 33. The way people stared at us as we walked down the street holding hands was unforgettable. I could almost hear them whispering, “Cradle snatcher”, though my boyfriend assured me I was just paranoid and that nobody cared. He insisted that my age didn’t matter to him, and maybe that was true.

Still, my girlfriends often commented on our age difference, throwing around words like “cougar” and “toy boy” far more often than I would have liked. Ultimately, we broke up for several reasons, none of them directly related to our age gap. But in hindsight, I never stopped being aware of how it made me feel, like he was always the much more attractive one of the two of us, and that we were mismatched. Funnily enough, I never think about any of that now when we go out as friends because, well, friends can be of any age, can’t they?

Sometimes, my best mate and I reflect on one glorious night, back when we’d just met, when we had sex ten times in a single evening, a personal best for both of us. It was an Olympic-worthy moment, made even more memorable because it happened on the day of Kate and William’s wedding, which we missed entirely. That was a few months before the car crash that was my early menopausal years, back when my body was still brimming with raging hormones and sex was constantly on my mind. That night might just have been my big, final hurrah.

Nowadays, I usually manage twice in an afternoon with my Sunday guy, the second time being more about his pleasure than mine, as I’m usually done after one orgasm. Sure, I can get aroused enough to want to go for it again, but I never come the second time, and I’m fine with that. Impressively, he’s ready to go not long after he’s finished, which is unusual for a man in his late fifties. He takes his fitness and his diet seriously and I suspect that has massively contributed to his erectile health. The reliability of his erections makes for a refreshing change after a couple of recent experiences with men whose unreliable erections have featured prominently.

There are plenty of reasons why men might have unreliable erections, performance anxiety, vascular health issues, and so on. I’ve learned far more about this topic than I ever expected, thanks to interviews with numerous urologists and my work with FirmTech, whose primary market is men dealing with this issue. When you enjoy being with age-appropriate men, that is, guys in their late fifties and sixties, the stats say roughly 50% of them will have some trouble getting or staying hard.

I’m not someone for whom a man's ability to maintain an erection is the be-all and end-all. However, I do struggle to understand why men with unreliable erections haven’t developed other skills to compensate, especially when the buffet of sexual pleasure is so vast. If I were a man with an unreliable erection, I’d be a pussy-eating champion.

I’d master the art of using my fingers to deliver exquisite sensations that made my partner squirm with delight. I’d explore every erogenous zone on my lover’s body. I would not be the kind of man who lets an unreliable erection bring everything to a halt while we wait for it to recover. Sure, it’s fine to take a break, make a cup of tea, or chat for a bit, but when I’m aroused, that’s not what I’m thinking about. I want to be taken over the edge, or to pull out one of my many toys and put it to good use. I don’t want the break to be the time for him to apologise, feel ashamed, or get embarrassed. It’s the time to move on to something else, something that doesn’t depend on the myriad factors that can affect erections.

I like variety in a partner, but my recent escapades have taught me the value of being with someone, my Sunday guy, who has a multitude of talents that don’t rely on his cock being hard all the time. What’s surprised me most about our time together is that, as we’ve grown more comfortable with each other, his previously unreliable erections have become much more reliable. I suspect that has a lot to do with my appreciation for everything else he does to pleasure me, which makes me feel completely satisfied even when his cock doesn’t behave the way he wants it to.

If you’re a guy with an unreliable erection, first off, try a cock ring. It works by trapping the blood in your penis, keeping you firmer, for longer. And what guy wouldn’t want that. It may help to provide you with the confidence you lack. I like the one by FirmTech called the MaxPR and so does my Sunday guy.

If you’re not clued up about a woman’s anatomy, and many men aren’t, then it’s never too late to learn how to turn her on. There are plenty of books out there and Beducated also produces some great short video courses around a multitude of topics.

Also, here’s my recommended reading list:

“Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life” by Emily Nagoski

“Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships” by David Schnarch

“Rekindling Desire” by Barry and Emily McCarthy

“The Return of Desire: A Guide to Rediscovering Your Sexual Passion” by Gina Ogden

“The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus: How to Go Down on a Woman and Give Her Exquisite Pleasure” by Violet Blue

“She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide To Pleasuring a Woman” by Ian Kerner

“Naked at our Age: Talking out Loud about Senior Sex” by Joan Price

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