Sex Advice for Seniors

The Door Is Open

Suzanne Noble — Sun, 25 Oct 2026 16:02:50 GMT

I’ve made no secret of the fact that I appreciate a dominant man. However, what that means in practise can vary enormously depending on with whom I’m speaking. Type One are those who having read 50 Shades of Grey too often, for example, enjoy doling out extreme pain, giving orders without waiting for any form of consent, and arrive wearing a well fitted suit.

Type Two are verbose to the point of distraction. One man I met wanted to talk dirty throughout our entire encounter until felt forced to use my two safe words, Shut Up. Finally, there’s the more sensual type who enjoy gentle coaxing as opposed to force. These types may be the more strong and silent variety, with the occasional whisper in one’s ear from time to time.

The latter are the type I prefer and they’re a rare breed as so many men simply resort to the more popular Type One stereotypes as seen in movies such as 9 ½ Weeks or, more recently, that dreadful film starring Nicole Kidman, Babygirl. Her young lover, with all his ridiculous posturing, wouldn’t have gotten far with me. I don’t want to be with anyone who makes me feel uneasy.

The best Doms for me are the one who can wind me up with words, preferably via some kind of messaging system, and then remain almost silent when we finally meet by which time I’m merely carrying out memorised orders (until, inevitably, our script goes completely awry and we’re into mutually pleasurable improvisation).

I never know when I’ll meet the type of dominant man I’m seeking as most men, I’ve discovered, know that simply adding ‘dominant’ to a profile is likely to generate more responses than announcing, for example, that they’re submissive. And, as a result, men liberally add it to their description like they’re adding salt to a steak, in the hope they can get away with getting what they want without having to give anything back in return or resorting to the basics (kissing, oral, intercourse) without having to go through the trouble of inventing a story.

Ninety percent of the guys that say they’re dominant rarely ask what that word means to me. Instead, I have to tease out of them what type of Dom they are, which does more to turn them on then it does me and seems to miss the whole point of wanting them to be the instigators. I fully approve of setting out my boundaries, like and dislikes, but I’d appreciate some sense of what they had in mind instead of basically sketching out my fantasy in minute detail.

My most recent encounter was spur of the moment, as the best ones often are.

Sex After Motherhood: How to Reclaim Desire and Intimacy | Caroline Hood

Suzanne Noble — Thu, 22 Oct 2026 15:01:40 GMT

Motherhood can change the way couples see themselves and each other. The shift from partners to parents can be so gradual that you don’t always notice when sex and intimacy start moving down the list.

Caroline Hood, a sex therapist, clinical social worker and mother of three, believes staying lovers alongside being parents has to be intentional. She also challenges the idea that women simply lose their desire as they get older.

We talked about what happens when motherhood, caregiving, changing bodies and ageing start to reshape your sexual identity, and why that doesn’t mean you have to give it up.

What We Cover:

Why couples need to intentionally protect their sexual relationship after having children.
How motherhood and caregiving can push women’s desire into the background.
What it means to be “touched out” and why couples need to talk about it.
Why women can feel invisible or unworthy of sexual attention as they age.
How to reconnect with your sexual self through different stages of life.

Follow Caroline Here:

For Paid Subscribers:

When Intimacy Changes - A gentle conversation downloadable workbook for older couples navigating illness, caregiving, changing bodies, grief, retirement, and ageing.

Struggling with ED and want to avoid taking the blue pill? Our program will help you to uncover the root cause, take action and speak to your doctor with confidence. Go to https://www.stayfirmprogram.com.

Ready to Go Deeper?

Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.

As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

Full access to my sexy stories
NEW: A range of exclusive discounts from trusted shops with your pleasure in mind. See the PERKS tab.
Workbooks to accompany selected episodes
The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised
A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time
Entry to my private members-only chat room
My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.

Live with Suzanne Noble and Jennifer Gunsaullus - Courageous Intimacy

Suzanne Noble — Tue, 20 Oct 2026 15:02:16 GMT

Thank you to everyone who tuned into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app.

Available for iOS and Android

What Are We Allowed to Stop Doing in Bed?

At some point, we have to ask ourselves a simple question: are we still doing things in bed because we enjoy them, or because we have always done them?

In this Bonus Live, I’m joined by Dr. Jen to talk about the things pe…

Still Curious, Still Having Fun: What I’m Loving Lately

Suzanne Noble — Sun, 18 Oct 2026 15:00:46 GMT

What I’m trying out and enjoying:

Intimate Bloom Estradiol Vaginal Cream. Used alongside the vaginal estrogen I take, it helps keep my vulva lovely, soft and plump. Three pumps, twice a week. Job done. (The Link gives you 10% off).

Dirtea Collagen. I’ve been a fan of Dirtea Matcha for a year since I gave up coffee. I drink one cup every morning and it kick starts my day without the massive digestive issues I used to struggle with from a cup of brew. This is their new blend with grass-fed bovine collagen peptides. Designed to support strong bones and muscles. (The Link gives you 10% off your first order).

Hello Nancy Lemon. A super easy-to-use, waterproof, USB-C rechargeable lemon shaped clit-sucking vibe with 10 speeds, made out of silicon in the shape of a lemon. Nice to hold, very powerful, and with only one button, a cinch to operate. Comes with a pink satin pouch for travelling. Just don’t try and squeeze it into your G&T. (The link gives you a 15% discount).

Ultimate UT Probiotic - I have been waiting to try this out for some time after a former podcast guest, Darlene Honey, raved about this product for sorting out vaginal microbiome issues following breast cancer treatment. If you’re prone to UTIs and bladder infections, this daily supplement will work wonders. Use my code NOBLE10 for 10% off any products from Pelvic Relief.

What I’m Reading:

Erectile Dysfunction, Intimacy & Relationships | Gaylen Wilson

Suzanne Noble — Thu, 15 Oct 2026 15:02:37 GMT

Erectile dysfunction can change much more than what happens in the bedroom.

For Gaylen Wilson, it began when he was 44. Years later, after a stroke, congestive heart failure and a heart transplant, he found himself looking at sex, health and intimacy very differently. But the most interesting part of his story isn’t the treatments he tried. It’s what happened inside his marriage when erections were no longer reliable.

Gaylen and his wife had already built a strong sexual connection, and that gave them something to fall back on when sex became more difficult. For him, intimacy became less about performance and more about being present, connected and finding other ways to be close.

He has since spent years working with men and couples dealing with Erectile Dysfunction, and one pattern keeps coming up: men become ashamed, withdraw from their partners and stop talking about what is happening.

That silence can become a relationship problem of its own.

Gaylen has developed the Monument Method around the idea that couples need to protect their connection, particularly when fear, shame or conflict sends them into fight-or-flight.

What We Cover:

Why Erectile Dysfunction can be a warning sign that deserves proper medical attention.
How performance-focused sex can get in the way of intimacy.
Why some men withdraw from their partners when they develop Erectile Dysfunction.
How couples can communicate and stay connected when sex changes.
Gaylen’s Monument Method and his approach to rebuilding safety and desire.

Follow Gaylen Here:

Chapters

00:00 Sponsor: OhMiBod https://www.ohmibod.com/ + Introduction

01:58 Gaylen’s Experience With Erectile Dysfunction

03:33 Rebuilding Intimacy Through Serious Illness

04:34 Erectile Dysfunction and the Importance of Heart Health

06:02 Stroke, Viagra, and Cardiovascular Health

08:42 Sex Beyond Erectile Dysfunction

09:46 What Men With Erectile Dysfunction Struggle With

12:35 Porn, Performance, and Sexual Connection

14:06 When Erectile Dysfunction Leads to Withdrawal in Relationships

15:12 The “Tough Nut Letter”

16:11 Removing Shame and Facing Erectile Dysfunction Together

17:29 Attachment Theory and Relationship Safety

19:21 The Monument Method

20:13 Repairing Conflict and Rebuilding Connection

21:41 Why Some Men Withdraw After Developing Erectile Dysfunction

22:53 Why Erectile Dysfunction Can Have Many Causes

24:36 Beyond the “Blue Pill”: Lifestyle and Erectile Dysfunction

26:18 Erectile Dysfunction Treatments, Injections, and Long-Term Health

28:28 The Mission Behind the Monument Method

29:36 Healthy Aging, Exercise, and Intimacy

31:48 The Sanctuary Bond

33:26 Keeping Desire Alive After 20+ Years Together

34:31 Sobriety, Connection, and Personal Change

35:30 Keeping Long-Term Intimacy Alive

36:42 Outro

Ready to Go Deeper?

Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.

As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

Full access to my sexy stories
NEW: A range of exclusive discounts from trusted shops with your pleasure in mind. See the PERKS tab.
The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised
A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time
Entry to my private members-only chat room
My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.

Live with Suzanne Noble and Paul Aaron Travis on Dating with Intention

Suzanne Noble — Tue, 13 Oct 2026 15:40:17 GMT

Thank you , , and many others for tuning into my live video with ! Join me for my next live video in the app.

Available for iOS and Android

What if dating after 40 isn’t about finding “the one” — but getting clearer about who you are and what you actually want?

In this Bonus Live, I talk with Paul Aaron Travis, founder of School for Love and School for Lovers. Paul works mainly with s…

Early Riser

Suzanne Noble — Sun, 11 Oct 2026 15:01:54 GMT

I’m not a stalker. I’m more like a risk assessor. Let me say that from the start, because I’m aware of how my actions may be misconstrued and, taken out of context, they may appear, well, somewhat creepy. However, when I’m arranging a first date, in my bedroom, that involves a blindfold and all I have is a picture and a profile description to go by, then precautions need to be taken to ensure that the person I’ve arranged to meet is legit. I don’t want a random stranger, who may look entirely different from the image I’ve seen on screen, turning up in my house with the intention of having sex with me.

Anyone who has spent enough time online dating is aware how often this can happen. I met a guy once, a decade ago or more, at Rio’s Naturist Spa in Kentish Town, London, who was 50 pounds heavier and a decade older than his picture had shown him to be. My first words to him were, “You must be kidding me.” (No word of a lie). I don’t want Fred Bundy, after I’ve ordered George Clooney. Even though I nearly always have an AirBnB guest, whose room is separated by a very thin wall next to my own, which enables me to feel somewhat safe, I do run a quick background sweep as a secondary measure. That’s when I start building a paper trail, stitching together Companies House, LinkedIn, and the odd reverse image search to make sure the man arriving at my door is the one I agreed to meet. I want to know, with as much certainty as one can know anything when arranging a very risky first sex date, that I’m not going to get stabbed, molested, kidnapped or have sexual intercourse with a blimp (nothing against rotund men, but they’re not my preference).

Here’s how it works in case you’re curious and want to try this out on someone you know. Search their name and area if you’re in the UK on the Companies House website; if they’re a company director their name and birth month/year will often show. Easy. From there it’s simple to pop over to LinkedIn and find the name and the company with whom the name is associated. It sounds fiddly, but most single female friends I know do this. If they happen to have provided a picture they’ve used on other sites, you can also try reverse image search on Google, although more often than not, you’ll often find the brand of shirt they’re wearing, not the man. Despite advances in facial recognition for use by, for instance, members of the police force, Google does not appear to have yet adapted the technology useful enough for mid-life, curious women. Take any random picture of a man with a beard, for example, and you could be told that your next date happens to be with the recently bearded Matt Damon.

In this particular instance, it did help that when me and my prospective sex date had moved our communication off the swinging site on which we’d found each other and onto WhatsApp, up popped his real name. Result. Another man with whom I’m speaking is merely in my phone as Jason Feeld weeks after we matched, and no amount of searching his picture, his financial background, or his first name has led me to deduce any more about him than what he told me during our first (and only) coffee date. I suspect Jason may not be his name, or perhaps, he works for MI5.

(Yup, for this extremely explicit story, you will need to upgrade)

Getting Older Means Training Differently. It Doesn't Mean Giving Up.

Suzanne Noble — Thu, 08 Oct 2026 15:03:22 GMT

We tend to think about fitness as something we do to look better.

Lose the belly. Build some muscle. Get stronger. Fit into the clothes we used to wear.

But what happens when you’re over 50 and your reasons for exercising start to change?

Maybe it’s less about looking good and more about having energy, feeling confident, staying strong, and actually feeling good in your body.

And there is another part of it we don’t talk about nearly enough: sex.

Exercise, blood flow, testosterone, confidence, stress and general health can all play a part in how we experience sex as we get older.

So I invited Rockne O’Leary, a fitness and performance coach, to talk about the connection between fitness and sexual health, particularly for men over 50.

But we also got into something I found just as interesting: why men need somewhere to talk.

Rockne runs a men’s group where guys can talk about relationships, stress, confidence and the things they might not feel comfortable discussing with their friends or partners.

Because getting healthier isn’t only about what you do in the gym.

It’s also about what happens in your head, your relationships and the conversations you’re willing to have.

What We Cover:

Why fitness, blood flow, testosterone and confidence can all connect with sexual health.
How to start exercising again when you’ve been out of the gym for years.
Why consistency matters more than going all-out.
The connection between stress, relationships and sexual health.
Why men need spaces where they can talk honestly without judgment.
What Rockne’s men’s group is trying to create, and why having different generations of men together could be valuable.

Follow Rockne Here:

Chapters

00:00 Sponsor: https://www.ohmibod.com/

00:28 Fitness and Sex After 50

01:42 Fitness, Sexual Performance and Confidence

03:12 How Exercise Changes as We Age

05:38 From Bodybuilding to Functional Fitness

07:54 Strength Training, Consistency and Momentum

09:57 Exercise, Blood Flow and Sexual Health

11:08 Nutrition, Stress and Confidence

13:10 How to Start Exercising Again

15:54 How Often Should You Work Out?

17:49 Why Men Need Spaces to Talk

20:05 Building a Better Men’s Group

23:09 Bringing Younger and Older Men Together

25:26 Men’s Groups and Toxic Masculinity

28:31 Relationships, Conflict and Connection

31:53 Body, Mind and Spirit

32:35 The First Step: Ask for Help

35:18 Final Thoughts on Consistency

Ready to Go Deeper?

Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.

As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

Full access to my sexy stories
NEW: A range of exclusive discounts from trusted shops with your pleasure in mind. See the PERKS tab.
The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised
A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time
Entry to my private members-only chat room
My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.

Bonus Live: Beyond Sex - Colin Richards on Sensual Massage, Intimacy and Relearning Pleasure

Suzanne Noble — Tue, 06 Oct 2026 15:02:05 GMT

Thank you , , , , , and many others for tuning into my live video with ! Join me for my next live video in the app.

Available for iOS and Android

What If Better Sex Starts With Learning How to Receive?

What if improving your sex life had less to do with performance and more to do with learning how to receive?

In this Bonus Live, I’m joined by , Colin Richard and the founder of Intimacy…

Why the Womanizer Next Liberty Packs a Punch

Suzanne Noble — Sun, 04 Oct 2026 07:02:21 GMT

Clit suckers are all the rage, and it’s easy to understand why. They produce intense fluttering vibrations specifically targeted around the clitoris, and if you’re short on time and want to have a quickie with yourself, they are incredibly efficient.

As for me, I’m mostly a creature of habit. Or, at least, I used to be. A relatively inexpensive bullet vi…

Why Does Sex Feel Different After Menopause? | Dr. Maria Sophocles

Suzanne Noble — Thu, 01 Oct 2026 15:01:09 GMT

At some point in midlife, sex starts to feel different and for many women, they find it challenging to adapt to that change. I know I did.

At 50, my libido dropped through the floor. By 60, penetrative sex was painful. Nobody told me to expect this and my doctor certainly had no solutions.

Perhaps you’re tired, stressed, or simply don’t think about sex the way you used to.

And then you wonder: Is this just what happens as we get older?

I spoke with Dr. Maria Sophocles, a gynaecologist and author of The Bedroom Gap, about what really changes during menopause and what women can do about it.

We talked about vaginal estrogen, desire, orgasm, testosterone, stress and why sometimes desire doesn’t come first. In the process we came up with the idea of the Mid-Life Sex MOT which, I suspect, would be most welcome by both men and women.

What We Cover:

What menopause can change about sex and desire.
Why vaginal estrogen can help.
The difference between spontaneous and receptive desire.
The five M’s for reconnecting with sexuality.
How stress, relationships and medications can affect libido.
Practical ways to reconnect with sex and pleasure.

Follow Dr Maria Sophocles Here:

Chapters

00:00 Sponsor: OhMiBod + Introduction

01:38 What Is Sexual Burnout?

05:29 The Midlife Sexual MOT

08:19 The Orgasm Gap and the Clitoris

10:07 Why Women Fake Orgasms

12:32 Learning to Talk About Pleasure

13:47 Vaginal Estrogen After Menopause

15:06 When Sex Hurts: Stress, Life and Desire

17:58 Spontaneous vs. Receptive Desire

20:47 The Five M’s for Reconnecting With Desire

22:19 Testosterone and Scream Cream

24:56 New Treatments for Female Sexual Arousal

25:15 GLP-1s, Ozempic and Libido

28:51 Three Ways to Reconnect With Your Sexuality

30:11 The Midlife Sexual MOT

31:30 Closing Thoughts

Ready to Go Deeper?

Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.

As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

Full access to my sexy stories
NEW: A range of exclusive discounts from trusted shops with your pleasure in mind. See the PERKS tab.
The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised
A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time
Entry to my private members-only chat room
My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.

What Happens When You Stop Following the Old Sex Script?

Suzanne Noble — Tue, 29 Sep 2026 15:02:35 GMT

Thank you to everyone who tuned into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app.

Available for iOS and Android

What if the best sex of your life is still ahead of you? In this candid, and fun Substack Live, I spoke with tantra practitioner Dakini Leah Kenyon about seven ways to make intimacy after 50 more curious, creative and pleasurable. This was the preview to a post…

What Sexual Health Professionals Taught Me About Sex in Later Life

Suzanne Noble — Sun, 27 Sep 2026 15:02:30 GMT

Last week, I was invited to co-host a workshop for the British Association for Sexual Health and HIV (BASHH) called “Getting It On While Getting On: Exploring Desire, Pleasure and Intimacy in Later Life with Curiosity and Confidence.”

In the room were gynaecologists, physiotherapists, sex therapists, sexual health doctors and nurses specialising in sexual function. I felt incredibly honoured to be there, but also slightly intimidated.

I have no professional qualifications in sexual health. What I do have is lived experience, along with everything I’ve learned from hundreds of conversations with world-class professionals working in sex, dating and relationships. I also hear daily from followers who share their questions, experiences and concerns with me.

I know that counts for a lot. Even so, imposter syndrome can still creep in when I’m speaking to a room full of professionals who work every day with patients struggling with their sexual health and relationships.

What could I possibly teach them that they didn’t already know?

Returning for a second workshop

This was the second time my co-host, Dr Ali Mears, and I had delivered the workshop. We first presented it to a group of junior GPs six months earlier.

Those young doctors seemed to enjoy our double act, although most were still too shy to ask many questions. The feedback afterwards was so positive that Ali invited me to stage a comeback at the BASHH conference.

Ali has been an experienced consultant in sexual health at a London hospital for nearly 20 years. I suspect there is hardly a problem she hasn’t encountered. Yet she felt that my first-hand experience as an older woman and content creator could add something useful.

As the workshop unfolded, I was fascinated by the range of issues these professionals encounter every day. It reminded me once again why we need to recognise that sex has no expiration date.

For almost every difficulty older adults face in trying to maintain a happy, healthy sex life, there is some form of help available. The problem is that people may not know whom to ask, or may feel too embarrassed to ask at all.

When sexual-health concerns are dismissed

What Most People Get Wrong About Sex and Ageing

Suzanne Noble — Thu, 24 Sep 2026 15:03:17 GMT

Sometimes the first sign that something has changed is an erection that doesn’t quite do what it used to.

Maybe it takes longer.

Maybe it isn’t as reliable.

Maybe things just feel different.

And suddenly, something that should be pleasurable becomes something you think about.

Is it my age?
Is something wrong?
Is this just what happens to men as they get older?

Men’s sexual health isn’t something we tend to talk about very openly. And when we do, the conversation often focuses almost entirely on erections and performance.

But there’s much more to it than that.

I invited Dr. Justin Lehmiller onto Sex Advice for Seniors to talk about men, sex and aging, and some of the changes that can come with getting older.

Justin is a senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute, author of Tell Me What You Want, and host of the Sex and Psychology podcast.

So, I sat down with Justin to talk about what happens to men’s sex lives as they get older.

What We Cover:

How men’s sexual health and desire can change as they get older, including erections and testosterone.
Why sex toys can be useful for men and how to introduce them into a relationship.
What penis pumps can do for erectile difficulties.
The connection between masturbation, orgasms, sleep and overall well-being.
Why we need to talk more openly about men’s sexual health as they age.

Follow Dr Justin Lehmiller Here:

Chapters

00:00 Sponsor: OhMiBod

01:46 How men’s sexual function changes with age

04:27 Why men don’t talk about sexual problems

05:46 Erectile difficulties and Viagra

07:28 Sex toys for men

09:03 Vibratory toys and penile health

12:43 Finding the right toy

14:53 Introducing toys into a relationship

18:01 Penis pumps and erectile health

21:53 Sexual activity and ageing

24:15 Sex, orgasms and cognitive function

25:42 Masturbation and better sleep

26:55 Choosing and caring for sex toys

28:59 The future of research on sex and ageing

Ready to Go Deeper?

Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.

As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

Full access to my sexy stories
NEW: A range of exclusive discounts from trusted shops with your pleasure in mind. See the PERKS tab.
The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised
A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time
Entry to my private members-only chat room
My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.

Desire Doesn't Retire

Suzanne Noble — Sun, 20 Sep 2026 15:02:06 GMT

I’ve been using hook up sites such as Fab Swingers, Swinging Heaven, and once-upon-a-time Adult Friend Finder, since my divorce. Why? Because when it comes to what I’m seeking in a man, mostly it’s a good time and not much else. And by ‘good times’ I mean, predominantly, in bed (or on the stairs, kitchen table…). I’ve been in and out of long-term relationships for the past 20+ years, the average lasting about four years either ending because a partner died (twice) or because of other factors that suggested we were not compatible.

In one case, one ex ultimately turned into my best friend, with whom I often stay as he has a lovely flat on the Kent coast, and our relationship does challenge partners we have had over the 15 years we’ve known each other. They are never quite sure where they stand in the pecking order when it comes to the depth of our feelings for them versus my friend and, unsurprisingly, it’s more often my friend’s girlfriends who have struggled more than any partner I’ve had whom I’m confident are mostly glad to be off the hook when it comes to having to accompany me to the theatre, for example, which they may wish to avoid, when they know that’s an activity that my ex and I enjoy together.

My close friends have remarked that we appear to be in a platonic marriage. But I’ve never tried to slot us in any box for the sake of our relationship making sense to others. It is what is is precisely because we never define it by any traditional standards. At the grand old age of 65 I finally have enough self-awareness and confidence to design my relationships without feeling the need to conform to societal expectations. And perhaps that’s why it has worked so well for over a decade, because we exist as a unit that functions well because we allow ourselves to be completely who we are, with all our flaws, and insecurities and need for space. We’re not racing towards some imaginary goal such as marriage, moving in together, spending the rest of our lives in each other’s pockets.

Which is where finding a man simply for the delights of the flesh becomes necessary if you’re a person, like I am, who enjoys sex. When you have a close male friend, who happens to be very attractive, and emotionally intelligent, it does mean that most of my base line requirements for what constitutes a healthy relationship are fulfilled. All that’s missing from my life is one or more people with whom to have sex, and that’s how my default has become browsing the hook up sites rather than places where one might go if they were to look for anything more serious – singles nights, meetup groups, apps such as Hinge or Bumble.

This past week, having finally returned from travelling for the past couple of months, and with no plans to leave the UK until next year, I decided it was time to renew my profile on Fab (Swingers) and wait for the flood of responses that are inevitable for any single woman who uses the site. I don’t believe I’m more popular than any other single woman on the site – I suspect anyone with a pussy on Fab is inundated by hungry, horny men. And I was soon proved correct.

I edited my usual profile, this time in bullet points, as I know reading is not a strong point of the male users. Back when I was working in PR, I was told that the average reading age of Sun readers (a popular UK tabloid) averaged that of a ten-year-old. I have subsequently pitched my profile at that reading age, or slightly above, because I suspect based on the men’s profiles I read, a reading age of ten is about right. The man I’m looking for doesn’t need to be an intellectual, but he should be creative. In fact, I’ve come to the realisation that academics rarely make great lovers; it’s the guys with jobs that may be highly repetitive whom have the free space in their brain to engage in thinking about erotic scenarios for us to re-enact together. My most creative lovers have usually worked in some sort of trade, rather than a high powered corporate job.

Even so, I made it clear that men who wanted to meet me would be wise if they read my profile in its entirety to save me having to block them. Predictably, I might as well have been yelling in the desert for what good that did for me, as men from as far afield as the Isle of Wight, Scotland and Spain messaged me, hundreds of miles from where I live, mainly to congratulate me on my lovely photos (professionally taken).

My profile read:

Pelvic Floor Health After 50: Stop Bladder Leaks & Improve Sexual Wellness | MaryEllen Reider

Suzanne Noble — Thu, 17 Sep 2026 15:01:03 GMT

Nobody tells you that one day you might start laughing and quietly wondering:

“Did I just pee a little?”

Or that you might stop doing certain things because you are worried about your body letting you down.

You avoid jumping.
You avoid sneezing too hard.
You think twice before intimacy.

And slowly, something that started as a physical issue begins to affect something much deeper, your confidence.

Because pelvic floor issues are not just about bladder leaks.

They are about how comfortable you feel in your own body.

And yet, we rarely talk about them.

We joke about it. We dismiss it as “just part of getting older.” We accept it as something women have to live with.

But common does not mean normal.

I invited MaryEllen Reider, co-director of Yarlap, onto Sex Advice for Seniors because I wanted to talk about something that affects so many women but is still surrounded by embarrassment and silence:

What happens when the muscles that support our bodies, our confidence, and even our sexual experiences need a little more attention?

Because the pelvic floor is not only about bladder control.

It is connected to intimacy, sensation, orgasm, and feeling at home in your own body.

So I asked MaryEllen: Why do so many women know so little about this part of themselves, and what can we do to take better care of it?

What We Cover:

Why pelvic floor problems are common, but not something women simply have to accept as they age.
The connection between pelvic floor strength, bladder control, confidence, and sexual wellness.
Why weak pelvic floor muscles can affect more than leakage, including comfort, movement, and intimacy.
The surprising relationship between pelvic floor muscles and stronger orgasms.
Why Kegel exercises are not always the complete answer and why relaxation matters too.
How pelvic floor concerns can quietly affect dating, relationships, and feeling desirable again.
Why it is never too late to start paying attention to your body.

Follow MaryEllen Here:

Chapters

00:00 Sponsor: OhMiBod + Introduction to Mary Ellen Reider

01:40 What Is the Pelvic Floor and Why Does It Matter?

03:40 Why Bladder Leakage Is Common But Not Normal

05:46 How Pelvic Floor Weakness Affects Your Body

07:49 Introducing Yarlap: Pelvic Floor Training and Sexual Wellness

10:17 Why Pelvic Floor Exercises Are Difficult to Do Correctly

11:11 How Pelvic Floor Training Works Over Time

12:06 How Long Does It Take to See Results?

12:52 What Causes Urinary Incontinence?

14:12 How Bladder Leaks Affect Confidence, Dating and Intimacy

16:13 The Connection Between Pelvic Floor Strength and Orgasms

17:40 Female Sexual Wellness and Understanding the Body

19:51 Why Pelvic Floor Relaxation Matters Too

22:10 Understanding Pelvic Floor Tone: Too Tight vs Too Weak

25:00 Talking to Your Doctor About Pelvic Floor Health

26:46 It’s Never Too Late to Strengthen Your Pelvic Floor

28:21 Closing Thoughts: Removing Shame Around Women’s Health

28:57 Visit Sex Advice for Seniors

Ready to Go Deeper?

Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.

As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

Full access to my sexy stories
NEW: A range of exclusive discounts from trusted shops with your pleasure in mind. See the PERKS tab.
The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised
A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time
Entry to my private members-only chat room
My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.

Sex, Anxiety, and the Pressure to Perform

Suzanne Noble — Sun, 13 Sep 2026 15:03:06 GMT

How does anxiety affect one’s sex life?

That’s a question I’ve been contemplating recently, having realised that when it comes to my choice in partners -- many, if not all, I suspect, have struggled with anxiety. I don’t know this for certain; it’s more of a gut instinct borne out of surrounding myself with anxious people for decades. Not that I even knew how anxiety manifested itself until fairly recently, as a result of becoming more familiar with the multitude of mental health issues that can impact being able to get through life without significant discomfort. Talking to over 250 therapists, counsellors, and relationship experts has rubbed off on me in more ways than I could ever have imagined!

Back when I was younger, like so many others of my generation, there wasn’t much awareness of mental health, and I recoil thinking of my offhand response, such as ‘You just need to be more positive,’ to a friend or relative telling me that they were struggling to get out of bed, to focus, to finish a task they’d been assigned to do. I didn’t understand how anxiety turns up in everyday life – from not being comfortable in social situations, to perfectionism that can be misread as laziness, to not being able to get a hard on. Nowadays, I like to think I’m much more sympathetic and aware of anxiety and how, despite our best intentions, our thoughts can sabotage whatever we’re trying to achieve and, in particular, how this anxiety manifests as a performance issue in the bedroom.

According to Robert Pyke’s research paper, Sexual Performance Anxiety, published in Sexual Medicine Reviews, “SPA affects 9–25% of men and contributes to premature ejaculation and psychogenic erectile dysfunction (ED). SPA affects 6–16% of women and severely inhibits sexual desire.” Potentially that’s a quarter of all men!

Widowhood, Desire, and the Sexual Reawakening Nobody Talks About

Suzanne Noble — Thu, 10 Sep 2026 15:02:23 GMT

Desire does not wait for grief to finish. It can arrive three months after the funeral, on an ordinary Tuesday afternoon, while his shoes are still by the door.

There is a reason for that and it has nothing to do with disrespect. Grief lives in the head. It replays the same week on a loop and you cannot think your way out of it. The body is the one place the loop cannot follow you into. So for a lot of widowed women, wanting sex turns up long before the crying does.

Perhaps it has already happened to you and you have not said it out loud to anyone. Who would you tell? The children? His mother? The friends who are still checking in on you? And what if the guilt gets there first and decides you have no right to any of it, that a good wife would be sitting quietly with her sadness instead of downloading an app?

I have buried two partners twenty years apart, both to cancer, and I wrote an entire memoir about what came afterwards. I still could not tell you where the grief stopped and the wanting started. So I put the question to my guest Amy Gabrielle, author of Widow in the City: what do you do when desire shows up before the mourning does, and how do you stop the guilt taking it off you?

What We Cover:

Why desire often returns before grief does, and what it is doing for you when it arrives.
How three months of dating apps became the only thing that felt like being alive.
Why Feeld felt more honest than Bumble and Tinder for a woman who did not want a boyfriend.
What taking her own photographs, in proper lingerie, changed about how she saw her own body.
Six weeks on OnlyFans, about $10,000, and the reason she walked away from it.
Why grieving a man who was not her husband was how she finally grieved her husband.
How the thought “I should have kept him alive” turns into risks you would not otherwise take.

Follow Amy Here:

Chapters

00:00 Sponsor: OhMiBod

02:10 Losing a Partner and Rediscovering Desire After Loss

08:00 Dating After Loss and Starting Over

13:30 Sexual Desire, Relationships and Life After 50

18:00 What We Want From Relationships Now

22:00 Widow’s Fire: When Grief and Desire Meet

26:00 Sex, Aging and Challenging Expectations

30:00 Shame, Confidence and Accepting Your Body

34:00 Dating, Boundaries and Finding What Feels Right

37:00 Pleasure, Freedom and Owning Your Desire

40:00 Closing Thoughts and Amy Gabrielle’s Book, Widow in the City

Ready to Go Deeper?

Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.

As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

Full access to my sexy stories
NEW: A range of exclusive discounts from trusted shops with your pleasure in mind. See the PERKS tab.
The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised
A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time
Entry to my private members-only chat room
My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.

Jacques: The Craigslist Cruiser

Suzanne Noble — Sun, 06 Sep 2026 15:02:59 GMT

I was horny. I had a free afternoon. I posted an ad and a flattering pic.

Horny, Sexy, 34DD for Afternoon Fun

‘u sound really hot,’ wrote one man. ‘lets hook up. i’m 44, 6’2”, 7” uncut and love eating pussy.’

About my age and approaching my preferred size, his words got my attention. Then he sent three pics. The first was a close face-shot of a smiling man. Great teeth. Attractive face. Confident air. I liked that. I opened the second jpeg: a beefy guy leaning against a wall. Shaved head. Fit body. He was wearing only a straw hat and a pair of tight chinos and looked like a cross between Harry Connick Jr. (albeit with more beef and less hair) and a gay porn star. The last shot was a tasteful black-and-white portrait of a nicely toned and muscled man lying face-down on a bed, showing off a beautiful sliced-melon ass against crisp sheets.

Live with Suzanne Noble with Ralph Greco - Smut, Sex Toys & BDSM

Suzanne Noble — Fri, 04 Sep 2026 17:49:47 GMT

Ralph is one of those people I gelled with from the very first time we spoke. He came on my podcast to talk about the oddly specific challenge of being a sex toy reviewer who ends up with a garage full of stuff they can’t sell, but also can’t quite bear to part with.

Like me, Ralph wears many hats: children’s book author, smut writer, sex toy reviewer, musician. Last October, while I was on the East Coast and able to stay in my son’s apartment for a week while he was away, my then-situationship and I took a Greyhound bus up to New Jersey to meet Ralph face to face.

We met at the Park West Diner in Little Falls Township, NJ, and chewed the fat about writing, relationships, family life, and music. By the time we left the diner, I felt like I’d made a friend for life. As a perk, Ralph showed us around his neighbourhood, where much of The Sopranos was filmed. I got massive brownie points that night from my situationship.

Having Ralph break his cherry on this Substack Live was a whole lot of fun, and I hope you enjoy listening as much as we enjoyed recording it.

Ralph can be found on Substack — but not for long. If you want to look him up, you can find him here:

https://www.youtube.com/@lickingnon-vanilla8894

Ready to Go Deeper?

Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.

As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

Full access to my sexy stories
NEW: A range of exclusive discounts from trusted shops with your pleasure in mind. See the PERKS tab.
The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised
A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time
Entry to my private members-only chat room
My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.