There is a reason for that and it has nothing to do with disrespect. Grief lives in the head. It replays the same week on a loop and you cannot think your way out of it. The body is the one place the loop cannot follow you into. So for a lot of widowed women, wanting sex turns up long before the crying does.

Perhaps it has already happened to you and you have not said it out loud to anyone. Who would you tell? The children? His mother? The friends who are still checking in on you? And what if the guilt gets there first and decides you have no right to any of it, that a good wife would be sitting quietly with her sadness instead of downloading an app?

I have buried two partners twenty years apart, both to cancer, and I wrote an entire memoir about what came afterwards. I still could not tell you where the grief stopped and the wanting started. So I put the question to my guest Amy Gabrielle, author of Widow in the City: what do you do when desire shows up before the mourning does, and how do you stop the guilt taking it off you?

What We Cover:

• Why desire often returns before grief does, and what it is doing for you when it arrives.

• How three months of dating apps became the only thing that felt like being alive.

• Why Feeld felt more honest than Bumble and Tinder for a woman who did not want a boyfriend.

• What taking her own photographs, in proper lingerie, changed about how she saw her own body.

• Six weeks on OnlyFans, about $10,000, and the reason she walked away from it.

• Why grieving a man who was not her husband was how she finally grieved her husband.

• How the thought “I should have kept him alive” turns into risks you would not otherwise take.

Follow Amy Here:

• Website

• Facebook

• Instagram

Chapters

00:00 Sponsor: OhMiBod

02:10 Losing a Partner and Rediscovering Desire After Loss

08:00 Dating After Loss and Starting Over

13:30 Sexual Desire, Relationships and Life After 50

18:00 What We Want From Relationships Now

22:00 Widow’s Fire: When Grief and Desire Meet

26:00 Sex, Aging and Challenging Expectations

30:00 Shame, Confidence and Accepting Your Body

34:00 Dating, Boundaries and Finding What Feels Right

37:00 Pleasure, Freedom and Owning Your Desire

40:00 Closing Thoughts and Amy Gabrielle’s Book, Widow in the City

Ready to Go Deeper?

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As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

• Full access to my sexy stories

• NEW: A range of exclusive discounts from trusted shops with your pleasure in mind. See the PERKS tab.

• The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised

• A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time

• Entry to my private members-only chat room

• My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.

Horny, Sexy, 34DD for Afternoon Fun

‘u sound really hot,’ wrote one man. ‘lets hook up. i’m 44, 6’2”, 7” uncut and love eating pussy.’

About my age and approaching my preferred size, his words got my attention. Then he sent three pics. The first was a close face-shot of a smiling man. Great teeth. Attractive face. Confident air. I liked that. I opened the second jpeg: a beefy guy leaning against a wall. Shaved head. Fit body. He was wearing only a straw hat and a pair of tight chinos and looked like a cross between Harry Connick Jr. (albeit with more beef and less hair) and a gay porn star. The last shot was a tasteful black-and-white portrait of a nicely toned and muscled man lying face-down on a bed, showing off a beautiful sliced-melon ass against crisp sheets.

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Like me, Ralph wears many hats: children’s book author, smut writer, sex toy reviewer, musician. Last October, while I was on the East Coast and able to stay in my son’s apartment for a week while he was away, my then-situationship and I took a Greyhound bus up to New Jersey to meet Ralph face to face.

We met at the Park West Diner in Little Falls Township, NJ, and chewed the fat about writing, relationships, family life, and music. By the time we left the diner, I felt like I’d made a friend for life. As a perk, Ralph showed us around his neighbourhood, where much of The Sopranos was filmed. I got massive brownie points that night from my situationship.

Having Ralph break his cherry on this Substack Live was a whole lot of fun, and I hope you enjoy listening as much as we enjoyed recording it.

Ralph can be found on Substack — but not for long. If you want to look him up, you can find him here:

https://www.youtube.com/@lickingnon-vanilla8894

Ready to Go Deeper?

Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.

As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

• Full access to my sexy stories

• NEW: A range of exclusive discounts from trusted shops with your pleasure in mind. See the PERKS tab.

• The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised

• A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time

• Entry to my private members-only chat room

• My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.

That’s where toys come in handy and can, in many cases, can be essential. Because stronger vibrations can be exactly what you need when the smaller nerves in our clitoris are no longer doing the trick and the larger nerves take over. Those larger nerves love vibration.

Perhaps you’ve never tried a sex toy, or you’ve been using them for self-pleasuring and want to use them with a partner. How can you ensure that your partner is going to welcome this additional help and not make him feel like he’s being replaced? And what if your partner’s “no” had nothing to do with the sex toy?

I have boxes of the things and no embarrassment about any of it, and I still get this wrong. So I put the question I hear most from women my age to my guest Dr Jess O’Reilly, a sexologist with a PhD in human sexuality: what do you say to a woman who wants to bring sex toys in the bedroom and how can they support our changing bodies and arousal after 50?

What We Cover:

• Why novelty matters in long-term relationships.

• Why starting small can make introducing toys less intimidating.

• How toys can reduce performance pressure for both partners.

• The difference between vibration, air-pulse, warming, cooling, and other sensations.

• Why communication and self-pleasure can lead to better partnered sex.

• How the Yes/No/Maybe checklist can make conversations about sex easier.

Follow Dr Jess O’Reilly Here:

• Website

• Instagram

• Facebook

• The Sex With Dr Jess Podcast

Chapters

00:00 – Sponsor spotlight: OhMiBod https://www.ohmibod.com/

00:15 – Dr Jess O’Reilly breaks down modern pleasure, intimate toys, and midlife relationship dynamics.

01:56 – Normalising physical changes after 40 and why arousal naturally takes longer.

02:47 – How introducing novelty and curiosity helps long-term partners transition from roommates back to lovers.

04:50 – Overcoming partner intimidation and shifting away from penis-centric bedroom aids.

06:16 – Taking off the performance pressure and using intimate devices to ground yourself in pure pleasure.

07:26 – Exploring the We-Vibe Temp pebble design, temperature play, and full-body erogenous stimulation.

08:52 – Using app-controlled toys to navigate erectile challenges and take performance anxiety off the table.

10:34 – Choosing the right device when navigating mobility needs, grip limitations, and external sensations.

11:33 – Why simple, single-button toys and intuitive squeeze remotes beat overcomplicated technology.

13:26 – The best low-intimidation starter options for couples looking to enhance traditional intercourse.

14:48 – How targeted air-pulsation technology creates deep internal stimulation without direct contact.

16:11 – Understanding internal clitoral anatomy, erectile tissue, and the science of mature female arousal.

18:45 – Moving past spontaneous desire and recognising responsive arousal in long-term relationships.

20:14 – Rebuilding self-trust and learning to let your physical body respond to touch.

21:34 – Unpacking why sexual satisfaction has to come first before stepping outside your comfort zone.

23:33 – Dismantling the social shame around female masturbation and talking about desires before intimacy.

24:18 – The silent driver behind the rise of silver divorce and why avoiding tough conversations fuels resentment.

26:31 – Why discussing intimacy early while dating filters out incompatible dynamics immediately.

27:45 – Embracing messy, imperfect conversations to dissolve bedroom shame and build emotional longevity.

29:14 – The easy, low-pressure script for bringing up intimate toys with a hesitant partner.

31:48 – The interactive Yes/No/Maybe checklist app to help couples explore fantasies effortlessly.

33:04 – A sneak peek at the new Womanizer Enhance and closing out with Dr Jess O’Reilly.

Ready to Go Deeper?

Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.

As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

• Full access to my sexy stories

• NEW: A range of exclusive discounts from trusted shops with your pleasure in mind. See the PERKS tab.

• The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised

• A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time

• Entry to my private members-only chat room

• My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.

As I boarded the bus to Agde, where I planned to pick up a taxi to the village, I got chatting to a slightly bemused-looking, middle-aged Asian couple. He was wearing straight-leg jeans and a blue T-shirt that looked as if it had been purchased from Cotton Traders. She wore a knee-length, dark-blue kaftan over straight-leg black trousers. They seemed confused about the bus destination and whether it would take them all the way to their final stop, so I stepped in to help, given that the French bus driver’s English was limited and she was struggling to assist them.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“Jardin de Babylon,” they replied.

I tried to hide my surprise, although I’m certain my raised eyebrows gave me away.

Jardin de Babylon is the main destination for hardcore swingers in the village: home to notorious parties where anything and everything goes. The last time I’d entered the venue, more than ten years earlier, I’d been with a couple of friends who were staying there. I recall standing on their balcony, watching the Caligula-inspired orgy taking place around the pool: couples fucking and sucking each other off on the double-bed-sized sun loungers wherever I looked.

This respectable-looking pair of travellers looked like the sort of couple you might sit beside at a perfectly middle-class dinner, discussing property prices, until they casually mentioned that their idea of a night out sometimes involved swapping partners with another couple.

“Babylon? In the Village?” I said, doing my best to sound unfazed. “I’m going to the Village. We can share a taxi from Agde.”

In the cab, I discovered they were from Delhi and that this was the first stop on what sounded like a European sex tour, with Amsterdam next on the itinerary. Talk about not reading the room.

“They have big parties at Babylon, right?” they said as we drove. “We’re really looking forward to this.”

A few days later, I spotted them walking along the promenade and barely recognised them. She was wearing a flowing, sheer black dress, with a black-and-gold bra clearly visible beneath it. She looked exotic and beautiful. I wondered whether their friends back home had any idea what their holiday plans involved.

Arriving at the village, I made my way to the entrance to collect my pass, which allows visitors into the walled town. During peak season, the Village is home to around 40,000 naturists, swingers, or people who combine the two. Many, like me, stay at the popular René Oltra campsite, now celebrating its seventieth anniversary. Others stay in the hotels, apartments and private rooms rented out between May and October, when the site is fully open.

For €11.50 a day, visitors can buy a day pass, provided they’re willing to take off their clothes and wander around in the nude. Discounted rates apply to those who have booked accommodation.

This was my seventh visit, and I now have friends who return every year. So, when the opportunity arose to stay with a couple in their motorhome on the campsite, I decided to take it: five days in a place where I would spend most of my time without any clothes on. Just me, my backpack and passport were all I needed.

Day 1: Arrival

Read more

His answer wasn’t about photos or bios. It was about how swipe apps like Tinder and Bumble have trained all of us, especially women, to chase matches instead of paying attention to who we’re actually matching with.

Eric has worked with more than 40,000 daters since 2000 and consulted for major dating platforms, so he’s seen exactly what happens behind the curtain. I even put my own profile on the table for this one, and what he told me changed how I think about it.

What We Cover:

• Why swipe apps trained women to chase the dopamine hit of a match, not the person behind it

• Why men’s profiles read as “salesy”, and women’s profiles read as a list of complaints

• Why my own list of dealbreakers might be repelling the very people I want to attract

• What ChatGPT itself admitted about why AI can’t write a good dating profile

• How dating app algorithms use visibility rankings and monetisation tricks to keep me on the app longer

• What an authentic dating app profile actually looks like

Follow Eric Here:

• Website

• Facebook

• X

Chapters

00:00 – Sponsor spotlight: OhMiBod https://www.ohmibod.com/

00:20 – Introducing dating profile veteran Eric Resnick to tackle why most online bios fall completely flat.

02:17 – Looking back at how online dating evolved from early matchmakers to addictive swipe culture.

04:40 – The brutal swipe statistics between men and women that broke app dynamics.

05:40 – How meeting his wife on a niche site proves there really is someone out there for everyone.

06:14 – Reflecting on early dial-up dating sites and the modern shift toward casual hookup apps.

08:04 – Why incognito mode is a total game-changer for women navigating overwhelming inboxes.

09:07 – The biggest profile writing traps men fall into when trying to sell themselves.

10:05 – Why letting AI tools like ChatGPT write your dating bio completely kills authentic chemistry.

12:10 – Sponsor spotlight: GITM Playbook.

12:45 – The hidden danger of listing red flags and past relationship baggage on your profile.

15:40 – The hard truth about why dating success comes down to who you choose, not who chooses you.

17:00 – Why making the first move as a woman over 50 is an empowering shortcut.

18:03 – How dating app algorithms track daily logins and quietly lower your visibility.

20:50 – Why dystopian AI avatars and paid profile boosts keep daters hooked on the screen.

22:50 – Turning your profile into an authentic conversation starter instead of an empty checklist.

26:23 – Why a great dating profile acts as a window into your world rather than a sales pitch.

28:55 – The blunt truth about unsolicited photos and the golden rules of photo etiquette.

31:30 – Suzanne and Eric wrap up with key strategies for showing up authentically and finding connection.

Ready to Go Deeper?

Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.

As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

• Full access to my sexy stories

• NEW: A range of exclusive discounts from trusted shops with your pleasure in mind. See the PERKS tab.

• The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised

• A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time

• Entry to my private members-only chat room

• My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.

He likes to instruct me where he wants me to be when he enters my flat: on my bed, blindfolded and naked, for example, or in my kitchen, pleasuring myself while perched on my breakfast bar.

And then we take it from there.

I enjoy playing whatever role he asks of me because it requires no thinking on my part. I can switch off and let someone else take the driver’s seat, which is always a relief, no matter what time of day it happens to be. Mornings are my particular favourite because I’m at my horniest, and I don’t have to worry that he’ll want to spend the day hanging out with me, which I wouldn’t actually be averse to, given that, from the little I know of him, we seem to share an interest in design, being active and, of course, sex. Plus he’s attractive - a decade younger than me, with boyish good looks, tall, slim, on the preppy side with trendy tortoiseshell glasses. He looks like a guy who works in some arty field, which he does.

Our conversations, always by text, typically begin three or four days before we are due to meet, with flurries of messages between us: swapping pictures and sharing how we want to pleasure each other, orally or otherwise. By the appointed time and date, when he enters the room, I’m so mentally and physically prepared that it never takes me very long to climax. That’s a rarity at my age because, with others, it sometimes doesn’t happen at all or can take anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour, although I’ve never timed myself. I’m of the opinion that sex isn’t a race or even requires a finish line.

Between the texting, the graphic images and the elaborate erotic fantasy we have constructed, I’m a wound-up spring, ready to explode. My pussy is already wet and engorged, so when his tongue first touches my clit, I’m so prepared for it that I’m moaning and groaning, telling him how good it feels to finally feel him lapping up all my juices.

The man has an absolutely beautiful cock. I’ve seen a lot of dicks, and his is right up there if you like them big: thick, long and about as perfect as they come. A proper porn-star dick that I only have to look at to get incredibly turned on. Rather unfortunately, once inside me, he rarely lasts long. I suspect that the anticipation, first- or second-date nerves and the limited time we have to fuck all serve to short-circuit his ability to stay hard beyond a few thrusts. He’s in, he’s out and he’s come, all within five minutes. It’s not ideal, but his oral skills are also first-rate, and I suspect that, if I wasn’t merely a pit stop on his way to work, I might find out whether I was dealing with a form of erectile dysfunction or merely unfamiliarity.

Read more

I need a toy about 80% of the time to get there. I have also been with a man who told me toys were not coming into his bedroom, and that put more strain on the relationship than the toy ever could have. He thought he was being replaced.

“Tools don’t compete. They assist.”

That is Dr. Shamyra Howard, an award-winning sexologist and licensed therapist who spends her working week with couples stuck in exactly that standoff. She founded On the Green Couch.

If you have been quietly deciding the good sex is behind you, this conversation will change what you think you are dealing with.

Here’s what we cover:

• Why your partner hears something completely different from what you said

• How to raise the subject without either of you feeling ambushed

• What happens to sensation after 50, and why more arousal is the answer rather than less

• Why lube carries even more shame than toys do, and what that shame is built on

• What sex becomes once performance stops being the point

Follow Dr. Shamyra Howard Here:

• Website

• Instagram

• Facebook

• YouTube

• Use Your Mouth: Pocket-sized Conversations to Simply Increase 7 Types of Intimacy in and out of the Bedroom

Chapters

00:00– Sponsor spotlight: https://www.ohmibod.com/

00:28 – Breaking the silence on why midlife intimacy is due for a serious upgrade.

02:06 – Looking at the outdated societal scripts and the hidden pleasure gap affecting mature women.

04:11 – Why physical body changes after 50 make intimate aids essential tools rather than afterthoughts.

05:10 – Why male partners often feel replaced by bedroom aids and the crucial mindset shift that changes everything.

07:54 – How to smoothly invite a hesitant partner to explore intimate devices together without making it awkward.

11:02 – The surprising clinical research showing how certain stimulation devices can actively reduce menopause symptoms.

12:18 – Choosing the right sensation when navigating internal versus external stimulation options.

13:53 – How targeted clitoral air technology is transforming arousal and natural blood flow in post-menopausal bodies.

15:07 – Sponsor spotlight: GITM Playbook http://gitmplaybook.com/SUZANNE20

15:53 – A compelling study on how regular orgasms can meaningfully protect and boost your mental health.

17:17 – Creative ways to use a multi-use massage wand across entire full-body erogenous zones with a partner.

19:37 – Why investing in high-grade intimate wellness tools is just as essential as your regular self-care routine.

20:12 – The non-negotiable rule about pairing the right body-safe lubricants with medical-grade silicone.

22:04 – Overcoming the persistent stigma around dryness and why lubrication is basic physiology, not a personal failure.

24:04 – Combining topical solutions with daily bedroom habits to turn intimate comfort into a completely seamless experience.

25:50 – Letting go of performance anxiety and completely redefining what pleasure feels like after 50.

26:48 – The single most damaging myth about ageing women’s sexuality that needs to be completely dismantled.

27:31 – Wrapping up with community resources and practical ways to keep prioritising your intimate life.

Ready to Go Deeper?

Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.

As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

• Full access to my sexy stories

• NEW: A range of exclusive discounts from trusted shops with your pleasure in mind. See the PERKS tab.

• The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised

• A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time

• Entry to my private members-only chat room

• My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.

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On this occasion we got together on Substack Live to discuss the sexless marriage, a circumstance all too familiar to both of us and, I suspect, to several of our listeners too.

Like many couples, but I suspect especiall…

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Being British is, for me, perhaps the only embarrassing thing about herpes. We pride ourselves on our …

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Two of the men I loved died. Both of them experienced erectile dysfunction, and I read it as age. It seemed a reasonable assumption at the time. Men get older, erections get less reliable, and I was completely naive when it came to understanding the root cause of their problem.

“I almost equate erectile dysfunction with penile vascular dysfunction,” Dr Arthur Burnett told me. He wants men to hear an erection the way a cardiologist hears a heart murmur.

Dr Arthur Burnett is a urologist at Johns Hopkins whose lab uncovered the chemistry that made Viagra possible. Forty years on, he has serious reservations about what men do with it now.

If you have been quietly waiting for this to sort itself out, or watching someone you love wait, this conversation will change what you think you are dealing with.

Here’s what we cover:

• Why the pill has never once started an erection, and what that means for the nights it did nothing

• How a man can be doing everything right and still watch it stop working

• What his lab found when they went looking for the same response in women

• Why he blames his own profession for what men aren’t told before a prostatectomy

• What he does when he finds his own name on a supplement bottle

Follow Dr. Arthur Burnett Here:

• Website

• Instagram

• YouTube

• Facebook

Chapters

00:00 – Intro & Sponsor Spotlight (https://www.ohmibod.com/)

00:26 – Redefining Intimacy After 50: Welcoming Johns Hopkins Urologist Dr. Arthur Burnett

01:33 – Is Erectile Dysfunction Inevitable? Why Unreliable Erections Don’t Mean the End of Your Sex Life

02:18 – The Real Science Behind Viagra: What a Pioneering Researcher Wants Men to Know

04:29 – The Hidden Danger of Quick-Fix Online Prescriptions & Skipping Root Causes

07:24 – Removing the Shame: Why Men Must Stop Suffering in Silence

08:30 – Erectile Dysfunction as an Early Warning Sign for Heart & Vascular Health

10:19 – Does Viagra Work for Women? The Truth About Female Clitoral Blood Flow

12:31 – Sponsor Spotlight (GITM Playbook)

13:10 – Why the Blue Pill Doesn’t Work Without Mind-Body Synergy

16:23 – Rethinking Performance: Shifting Focus Beyond Penetrative Sex

17:06 – The Unspoken Trauma: What Doctors Often Miss in Prostate Cancer Care

19:39 – Innovations in Prostate Surgery: Preserving Nerve Function & Recovery

20:58 – Post-Surgery Rehabilitation: Do Vacuum Pumps & Therapy Devices Actually Work?

22:29 – How to Talk to Your Partner About Sexual Decline Without Losing Attraction

23:33 – Lifestyle Habits That Naturally Improve Blood Flow & Performance

24:30 – Nitric Oxide Supplements: Separating Hype from Real Medical Science

28:01 – Authentic Health: Ditching the “Marlboro Man” Myth & Taking Charge

29:24 – Outro & Community Links

Ready to Go Deeper?

Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.

As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

• Full access to my sexy stories

• NEW: A range of exclusive discounts from trusted shops with your pleasure in mind. See the PERKS tab.

• The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised

• A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time

• Entry to my private members-only chat room

• My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.

I can’t sleep with men I don’t like in some fundamental way, so when the sex doesn’t work for me anymore or they simply can’t turn up on time or let me down consistently, I may take a break for a while, but mostly they tend to come back in the new guise of a friend.

Which is why telling my situationship that I wanted it to end feels particularly hard, because I didn’t have to do it, but I didn’t feel that I was being respected, and being respected should be fundamental to any relationship.

Read more

Pauline is a certified sexological bodyworker, tantra teacher and trauma specialist based in Queensland, Australia. She trained in NLP, hypnotherapy and the Havening technique, and calls herself a libido expert because that’s what almost everyone arrives at her door with.

She gave me the homework she sets her clients. It costs nothing, needs no partner, and most women have never once tried it.

Pauline reckons most of us are living with our brain, heart and genitals in separate postcodes. She has a fix for that, and you can start it tonight in front of the telly.

Here’s what we cover:

• The thing men do on the sofa every night that women were taught never to do

• Why painful sex after menopause is treatable

• The trauma technique that cleared decades of her own, after EMDR did nothing at all

• What she said to a man in his thirties who was booked in for his third Peyronie’s operation

• Where your libido disappears to when your brain decides sex isn’t safe

• The one thing she wants women doing from perimenopause onwards, and almost nobody is

Follow Pauline Here:

• Website

• Instagram

• Facebook

• YouTube

Chapters

00:00 – Introduction & Sponsor Spotlight (OhMiBod)

00:26 – Episode Preview: Unlocking Midlife Passion & Somatic Sexology with Pauline Ryeland

01:30 – From Personal Healing to Intimacy Coaching: Pauline’s Journey

03:15 – Breaking the Silence: Why Seniors Are Reclaiming Their Sexual Wellbeing

05:40 – Somatic Sexology Explained: How Your Body Holds the Key to Pleasure

08:12 – Overcoming Midlife Libido Blockers & Emotional Disconnect

11:05 – Midlife Intimacy Guide (GITM Playbook Sponsor)

12:10 – Tantra & Sensual Touch: Redefining Intimacy Beyond Performance

15:45 – The Power of Pelvic Floor Awareness & Sacred Energy

19:20 – Navigating Body Image Changes and Self-Confidence After 50

22:50 – Simple Micro-Habits to Ignite Connection with Your Partner Today

26:15 – Vulnerability in Midlife Dating & Long-Term Relationships

29:40 – Closing Words: Why Desire Has No Expiration Date

Ready to Go Deeper?

Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.

As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

• Full access to my sexy stories

• NEW: A range of exclusive discounts from trusted shops with your pleasure in mind. See the PERKS tab.

• The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised

• A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time

• Entry to my private members-only chat room

• My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.

What a delight to recognise Suzanne’s name here on Substack, and find we are both still involved in the sexy world! Suzanne and I first crossed paths in the early Noughties, when we were both involved with the Erotic Awards (a charity event in support of the sexual rights of people with disabilities).

Now we have reconnected, Suzanne has kindly invited me to contribute a guest article. Suzanne writes frequently about slowing sex down, widening our scope of what it involves, and using toys and lube. All these things help us enjoy sex in senior years.

Let me add to this a mindset shift I’ve seen time and again be helpful for clients.

A typical female client in her 50s or 60s might say to me: “I never feel like sex. Now and then I say yes to my husband, just to stop feeling so guilty. Once we doing it… I do kind of enjoy it! Well, sometimes it hurts if I’m too dry; I don’t find the positions he likes do much for me; and often it’s over when I’m only just getting into it. But I enjoy cuddling afterwards and feeling the pressure is off for a while.”

Then she adds: “I wish I wanted it more often. What’s wrong with me?”.

To me, there’s nothing wrong with her. Something very logical is going on.

Read more

Dr Anna Elton is a licensed marriage and family therapist, clinical sexologist and author of The Formula of Desire. She married her high school sweetheart 25 years ago (and yes, they still flirt).

I didn’t have sex for the last four years of my marriage. I could have used this conversation then. If your relationship has gone quiet, this episode is proof it doesn’t have to stay that way.

Here’s what we cover:

• The difference between desire and arousal, and why confusing them keeps couples stuck

• What was actually behind that electric feeling of wanting someone across a room

• Where your erotic energy goes when it stops flowing toward your partner

• The couple who hadn’t been on a date in ten years, and didn’t realise it

• A 20-second habit that brought one couple’s sex life back

• What couples who stay passionate for decades do differently

Follow Dr. Anna Elton Here:

• Website

• Instagram

• TikTok

• YouTube

• Facebook

Chapters

00:00 – Introduction & Sponsor Spotlight (OhMiBod)

00:26 – Understanding Midlife Desire with Dr Anna Elton

01:27 – Lessons from 25 Years Together: Clinical Research Meets Personal Reality

03:00 – Why Young Couples Suffer From Sexless Marriages

03:36 – The Brain Chemistry of Intimacy: Desire vs. Physical Arousal

04:35 – Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire Explained

05:34 – Rethinking ‘Spontaneous’ Spark in Long-Term Relationships

07:01 – The Myth of Youthful Passion & Hormonal Shifts Over Time

09:07 – Restoring Novelty: The A-to-Z Date Night Framework

10:56 – Sponsor Spotlight (GITM Playbook)

11:42 – Creating Mystery & Seeing Your Partner Through a New Lens

13:05 – The Power of ‘Consensual Uncertainty’ in Midlife Dating

13:44 – Overcoming the ‘Planner Dynamic’ & Resentment in Relationships

15:32 – The Three-Step Coaching Technique to Encourage Partner Effort

17:00 – Desire Diversion: Where Does Erotic Energy Go When It Leaves the Bedroom?

18:50 – Balancing the Three Personas: Individual, Couple, and Family

20:17 – Defining a ‘Sexless Marriage’ & The Impact of Parental Stress

23:05 – What Long-Term Couples Do Differently to Keep the Flame Alive

24:04 – Social Penetration Theory: Why Deeper Communication Drives Physical Connection

25:58 – Micro-Habits for Reconnection: The 20-Second Rule

27:12 – Can High School Sweethearts Last a Lifetime?

28:30 – Closing Thoughts & ‘The Formula of Desire’ Book Release Details

Ready to Go Deeper?

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As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

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• The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised

• A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time

• Entry to my private members-only chat room

• My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.

How to turn on an older woman is such a common issue that I’ve already addressed in several posts that you can read here and here. But what happens, when the shoe is on the other foot, and it’s the woman who can’t arouse interest from her male partner in having sex, or for whom sex has become boring and predictable?

If you are a highly sexed woman, being with a man that doesn’t want to have sex as frequently as you desire, or at all, can be as soul destroying as the opposite way around. I know because this was the case throughout most of my marriage.

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I was honoured to have the amazing come on Substack Live for the first time ever (!) to talk about penis pumps, prostate massagers and vaginal rejuvenators! She’s one of the most knowledgeable sex educators I know and it’s no surprise that she was featured on Diary of a CEO talking about how to achieve better orgasms.

If you’re a guy who struggles with unreliable erections, or wants to add volume to your penis, than you’re going to want to watch this! As the wisest sex educators have often said, pumping isn’t solely for Christmas, it should be part of a man’s weekly protocol if he wants to keep the blood flowing down there and keeps the tissues healthy. If you’ve never seen a pump or are wondering how they differ from one another, Susan showcases several different varieties.

We also talk about Peyronie’s Disease and how pumps can help with that, and for getting and maintaining an erection more generally.

If you’re curious to know about the products Susan demonstrated, here’s the full list:

• PumpingGuide.com

• Dr. Joel Kaplan Whopper system

• Androdeep Penile traction device / penile stretcher

• FirmTech Erection constriction ring / cock ring

• FirmTech TechRing

• O-Nuts

• Red light wrap / red light therapy device

• Vaginadevice.com

• Flow Nitric Oxide Booster - Get your FREE bottle at getflowfree.com

• Acoustic wave treatment

• Tenuto 2

• Tenuto Mini

• Prostate massager / prostate tool - use my code ADVICE15 for 15% off

• The Lady Pump from Dr. Joel Kaplan

Find Susan’s Full List of Product Recommendations at DriveDesire.com

Find Susan on Substack at Better Lover

Ready to Go Deeper?

Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.

As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

• Full access to my sexy stories

• NEW: A range of exclusive discounts from trusted shops with your pleasure in mind. See the PERKS tab.

• The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised

• A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time

• Entry to my private members-only chat room

• My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.

In this episode, I sit down with Dr Kelly Barron, a menopause specialist, chiropractor, certified sexologist, and founder of Dr Kellfire’s, a chocolate brand created to support desire, hormone balance, and pleasure.

Kelly explains why menopause ends the sex life you used to have and begins one you get to design, why taking sex off the table is the first step to reclaiming pleasure, and how to work with responsive desire instead of waiting for the mood to strike.

Here’s what we cover:

• How Kelly’s chocolate line came together, and the herbs behind each formula

• Why she became a certified sexologist after years as a menopause specialist and chiropractor

• The dating app trick that changed how I see myself as an older woman

• Why younger men are drawn to older women, and whether it’s built to last

• How responsive desire works, and why it takes longer to get in the mood now

• The lingerie storytelling moment that made me rethink how I build anticipation

• Why scheduling sex and creating rituals can make intimacy more exciting, not less

Follow Dr Barron Here:

• Website

• Podcast

• Instagram

• YouTube

Chapters:

00:00 – Introduction & Sponsor Spotlight (https://www.ohmibod.com/)

00:23 – Why women love chocolate: Science, Pleasure & Midlife Wellness

01:42 – The Story Behind Dr. Kellfire’s Functional Chocolates for PMS, stress & libido

06:10 – Sensory Experiences: Connecting Taste, Touch, and Intimacy

08:00 – The Midnight Carnival: Making Sexual Wellness Fun & Playful

09:20 – From Chiropractor to Sexologist: Dr. Kelly’s Holistic Approach to Menopause

12:45 – Overcoming Body Image Struggles & Reclaiming Confidence After 50

14:31 – Midlife Intimacy Guide (GITM Playbook Sponsor)

15:02 – Taking Pressure Off the Bedroom: Body Awareness & Sensate Touch

16:16 – Where Are the Older Sexual Role Models? Calling Out Media Double Standards

19:46 – Midlife Dating Realities: Younger Men, Age Gaps & Finding Real Connection

25:18 – Mastering Responsive Desire: How to Set the Mood for Better Sex

26:23 – The Power of Scheduling Sex: Erotic Storytelling & Building Anticipation

30:59 – Dating with Boundaries: Knowing What You Want & Vetting Partners

34:04 – Desire Doesn’t Retire: Evolving Your Sex Life in Midlife and Beyond

34:53 – Episode Wrap-Up & Show Notes Links

Ready to Go Deeper?

Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.

As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

• Full access to my sexy stories

• NEW: A range of exclusive discounts from trusted shops with your pleasure in mind. See the PERKS tab.

• The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised

• A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time

• Entry to my private members-only chat room

• My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.

I’m a problem-solver by nature, and his comment made me think about the many different ways people become turned on. Sexy lingerie and sexting are easy routes to arousal for me because I’m not in a live-in relationship, a long-term partnership, or any arrangement that requires me to show up as anyone other than my sexual self. I’m not hard to please. A man can tempt me with the offer of a wisp of silk, and I’m horny. I’m never going to see his grey underwear or have to wash his socks. Being free of all the stuff that often gets in the way of sexual pleasure makes it easy to be with someone I like for no other reason than exploring each other’s bodies and erotic fantasies.

If I had to factor in all the other stuff most couples deal with, whether, for example, the domestic load is shared fairly, whether one partner’s libido is higher than the others, or whether caregiving is creating tension, then perhaps being handed a nice nightie wouldn’t do it for me either.

It’s so much easier to be playful in a relationship when playfulness is essentially the whole relationship. Once reality intrudes and you’re negotiating who takes out the rubbish, who cooks the dinner, or who makes weekend plans, it’s easy for the sexual side to be side lined or to slip away completely. Before you know it, you’re lying next to someone who feels more like a friend than a lover. I’ve been there and it was a lonely place. I’d rather sleep alone than next to someone who has no desire to touch me.

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That’s how one woman described sex to her therapist this week. She isn’t broken. She’d just never been told about the fixes that already exist.

Dr Jenn Kennedy is a clinical sexologist, licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of The Pleasure Project in Santa Barbara. Her clients in their 50s, 60s and beyond arrive embarrassed. They leave with a plan.

Her most freeing insight: the low-desire partner usually doesn’t dislike sex. She dislikes the sex she’s having. Fix that, and everything changes.

Here’s what we cover:

• Why an erection that half-works doesn’t mean pleasure is over

• The generational reason women over 50 feel ashamed of lube

• What vaginal estrogen clears up in weeks, and why so few women are told

• How pressure turns desire into obligation, and what works instead

• The two words that reignite decades-long relationships

Follow Dr Kennedy Here:

• Website

• Riviera Therapy

• Facebook

• Instagram

• YouTube

Chapters:

00:00 Why couples feel embarrassed to talk about sex problems
00:28 The missing word in long-term intimacy: curiosity
03:41 The most common issues couples bring to sex therapy
05:10 When people see a doctor first vs a sex therapist first
06:44 What ageing does to sex, erections, and desire
08:32 How to work with what still feels good
09:17 Why shame shuts down sexual connection
11:02 Why men struggle to move beyond penetrative sex
12:35 Practical tips for unreliable erections
13:49 Sensitivity, softness, and new ways to think about pleasure
16:01 Vaginal dryness, pain, and vaginal atrophy
17:32 Lube, suppositories, and vaginal estrogen
20:25 Why women over 50 still feel shame about needing lube
21:09 The biggest mistake couples make with mismatched desire
23:30 Why relational connection matters more than mechanics
26:08 How curiosity helps long-term couples rediscover intimacy
27:59 The power of asking questions and listening
31:52 Dr. Jenn Kennedy’s Pleasure Project course

Ready to Go Deeper?

Upgrade to unlock more confidence, clarity, and pleasure in your intimate life.

As a paid subscriber, you’ll get:

• Full access to my sexy stories

• NEW: A range of exclusive discounts from trusted shops with your pleasure in mind. See the PERKS tab.

• The complete archive of 200+ expert-led podcasts - all categorised

• A weekly bonus Substack Live episode where we connect in real time and you can ask questions!

• Entry to my private members-only chat room

• My 32-page guide: Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later LifeIf you’re ready to explore new possibilities and feel fully supported, join today for £6.99/month or £49.99/year.